It’s awards season! And what better time than this, to tell you that I love you. No, let me rephrase that.
I LOVE you,!
To be sure, I haven’t always loved you. But I imagine that’s because there was a time I didn’t even know you existed. Yet, once I saw you—as Mr.Darcy of “Pride and Prejudice” fame—I fell head over heels for you, succumbing to your romantic allure and steely stare. Indeed, sir, you had me at, “Good afternoon, Miss Bennet.” Do you recall?
Of course you don’t. I was probably one of millions of women who swooned and fancied you from afar. Totally infatuated with your onscreen persona then–and now. If you don’t believe me, all you need do is Google your name and you’ll find countless fan sites devoted to pouring their adoration upon you.
And I know Helen Fielding would agree with me! Helen, author of the bestselling novels, Bridget Jones’s Diary and its sequel, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, was inspired by your Mr. Darcy portrayal to write these juicy tales, which I thoroughly enjoyed, if I say so myself. Not so much because Bridget was funny, but really because these books were, at heart, a tribute to you! Who can forget how deliciously appealing you were in “Pride and Prejudice.” You gave your all—and took off your shirt, to boot!—as the dark and brooding Mr. Darcy in the six-hour drama. Imagine! Six glorious hours! I was so envious of Jennifer Ehle, the actress playing the role of a lifetime—Elizabeth Bennet to your Mr. Darcy. You were so rude to her at first that I had to wonder, why couldn’t that be me? Why couldn’t you feel nothing but scorn for me? Were there no wise Latinas in early 19th century England? ¡Que tristeza!
Know that I’ve made it a point to see all your films, even the ones in which your part was rather small, as in “Shakespeare in Love.” That film could have been so much better if they’d expanded upon your character. I’ve also seen one or two that were not up to par, such as “Hope Springs,” which, I believe, went straight to video, at least in this country. No matter. I’ll see any of your movies, if it means getting a glimpse of you.
You were very clever in “The Importance of Being Earnest,” which happened to be the first time I heard you sing. Not bad, Mr. Firth. Not bad. And you delighted me to no end and made me feel all giggly inside when you sang again in, “Mamma Mia.”
I even shed a tear last year, when you didn’t win a Golden Globe or an Oscar for your performance in “A Single Man.” You were robbed! Heaven knows, you so deserved it! Thank heavens you’ve already won the Golden Globe for your stellar performance in “The King’s Speech.” But I swear I will boycott the Oscars if thefails to bestow its award on you come February 27th. As far as I’m concerned, the Oscar is yours for the taking.
Let it be known, Colin Firth, that I humbly adore you. But this doesn’t mean you should trifle with my affections. Indeed, if on your next press junket, you find yourself in San Diego, please DO NOT look me up. No can do, my friend! Truth is, I’m afraid I’d fall to pieces in your presence.
So let’s just keep this going from afar. I’ll always have your next film to look forward to, and you’ll always have the pleasure of knowing that I’m one of millions, paying my $12 in order to sit in a theater for two hours so I can be enthralled by you. No need to thank me. Your brooding silence is enough. Indeed, sir, it is I, who should be thanking you, for allowing me 16 years of my utterly shameless devotion to you.
Oh and one more thing: Congratulations, my dear Colin, on your Golden Globe win! Well played and well deserved! All that’s left now is a knighthood from the Queen. Let me know if you need any help in making that happen, as I’m happy to give you a reference. I don’t offer that to just anyone, you know.
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- “Colin Firth gets Hollywood Walk of Fame star” and related posts
- Colin Firth on Stuttering, Stage Fright, and the Golden Globes
- Colin Firth wins critical acclaim (bbc.co.uk)