Are You as Trademark Savvy as Disney?

Kudos to Disney for having the savoir-faire—and the wherewithal—to trademark “SEAL Team 6.”  Yes, while the rest of us were wondering if Osama Bin Laden was really dead and whether we needed to see a photo of him, gun shot wound and all, in order to believe it, everyone’s favorite mouse, Mickey, was quietly meeting with lawyers, and drawing up the proper papers to trademark the two little words and the one number comprising the stealth band of men that brought down Bin Laden. Which is why, from here on, they will be known as Disney’s SEAL Team 6! Coming to an amusement park near you! Well played, Mickey, well played.

Mickey, the Wizard of Trademarks!

Why did Disney do this? Shrewd business sense, if you ask me. Because now, if anyone wants to make a movie, create a video game, or merchandise anything relating to the SEAL Team 6, they’ll first have to answer to Disney.

Which gives me an idea, why leave the trademarking business to a mouse, when we can do it, too? So I’m getting The Donald to help me.  That’s Donald as in Duck (not Trump, for goodness sakes!).

The duck and I are going to start pouring through mass media and trademark every key word we see—anything that is remotely making news.  I’m savvy enough to know that such words–like Charlie Sheen’s “Winning”–are sure to look ultra cool on a t-shirt, a bumper sticker or adapted into a movie.  We’re going to pour through such bastions of journalistic integrity, as my latest issues of People magazine and Entertainment Weekly, as well as Archie Comics. Ok, maybe this last one won’t help a bit, but, what the heck, I have a weakness for Archie, Betty and Veronica. (My pal, Ruby knows what I’m talking about.).  Here are a few of the terms I already know I’m going to trademark:

The Newlyweds:  Last month, we had the royal wedding. This month, Reese Witherspoon and Blake Shelton tied the knot, though not to each other. So it seems that just about every day another prominent figure is getting hitched which means, inevitably, the word newlywed will appear on some Internet site. Trademark? Check!

Splitsville:  With so many weddings, come the separations—after the honeymoon is over, that is. Seems every week another celeb couple announces they’re splitting up and I’m going to be ready when they do. They’ll have to see me first before getting the green light to use this term.

Green light:  Everyone in Hollywood green lights something at some point.  They’ll have to pay me a residual each time they do! Green light away, my friends!

Jail, bail, DUI, probation:  Lindsay Lohan, Mickey Rourke, and Rick Springfield—look out! You are going to owe me so much money next time!

Defining Moment:  The media love to talk about defining moments, especially when it comes to the office of the president.  Did Monica Lewinsky prove to be a defining moment for President Clinton? Was Hurricane Katrina a defining moment for President Bush?  Was the BP oil spill a defining moment for President Obama?  Every time there’s a new crisis, it is inevitably considered to be a defining moment and, frankly, there’s been too many defining moments. So many that I think it has lost its meaning.  But who cares? I’ll trademark it, anyway!

No-hitter:  Just in time for baseball season. I’m not a fan by any means, but I’ve heard this term before and I expect it’ll be used again. So, who’s ready to hit a no-hitter this season?

Princess Beatrice’s Fascinator: The wedding may long be over, but folks haven’t stopped talking about this incredibly provocative hat and I’m going to be all set for when the movie is made! Let the merchandising begin!

According to the Huffington Post, Disney’s application for the SEAL Team 6 trademark covers everything from entertainment and education services, to toys and games to clothing.  Imagine all the possibilities, then, when I trademark Princess Beatrice’s Fascinator, which already looks like a toy and can most assuredly be turned into a fascinating purse or a divine pair of shoes.  Envision, if you can, when Defining Moment is plastered on a pair of boxer shorts. The applications are endless!  Soon enough, I’ll be reaping in the rewards of my trademark know-how!

So, ask yourself this: Are you as trademark savvy as Disney?  If so, what’ll you trademark?  After all, we can’t let the Mouse have all the fun.

My Kind of Gal

Say what you want about her acting skills. Say what you want about her choice of films to star in, but Jennifer Aniston is ok by me. Here’s a woman who has it all—beauty, brains, style, fame, money and killer hair.  And the one thing she doesn’t have—a man—doesn’t seem to bother her a bit. Not one iota.  She’s Jennifer Aniston, after all!  The girl next door. Everybody’s BFF. And she’s my hero.

Single and loving it!

Why?  Because while everyone is feeling sorry for her, still licking the wounds from her broken marriage, she’s thriving and doing well, thank you very much. Must be her self-esteem, or all the love she receives from her friends and family. And also from her fans (me included).  I know she’s happy because she told this to People magazine and I believe everything I read in People.  This is a woman with backbone. A woman not desperately seeking her soul mate. Or Mr. Right or Mr. Big or Mr. Whatever, for that matter.

So why is everybody keen on making sure she finds that special someone? Probably for the same reason, us non-famous folk get pestered:  because our society is built on the foundation of marriage (except when it comes to gay marriage)  and can’t imagine that unattached people could possibly be satisfied being single.  It’s as if we’re all waiting for Noah’s Ark to pull in, and we have to be two by two, and at the ready, for when that time comes.

Heaven knows Jen puts herself out there everyday. Her life is a stage and we’re all looking on, wondering if she’s ever going to find The One. Some of us look because it gives us hope, and some of us, because it makes us sad to see her alone. And then there’s the happily married’s who look on because they are uneasy seeing single people content being, well, single.

So if Jennifer Aniston can’t find a partner with whom to board the ark and sail into the sunset, should the rest of us singletons even try?  The answer is, it depends. I’ve given this a lot of thought and consider myself an expert on the state of singledom, having spent years and years perfecting the single lifestyle.  Here’s how I see it: Singles can be divided into two basic categories—1) those that need to pair up and 2) those that are happy living on their own, perpetually single.

And I, like Jen, fall into the latter. Which means we are so busy enjoying life with friends and family, maintaining our busy social calendars, and loving the work we do. All this keeps us blissfully fulfilled.  Besides, we’re so exhausted from our lifestyle that we don’t have the time to search out that special someone (and, at our age, we’d have to do a lot of searching and digging), let alone, the desire to get mixed up in a relationship.

If you fall into the former category, meaning you see being single as a temporary stage and you’re determined to get out of it by finding yourself a partner, then you will! It can take a lot of work, time and energy, but if you’re resolved and willing to go the extra mile, then count on it! Of course, know that as you get older, the pool of available partners comes with baggage, much like your own. So you’ll have to sort it out and hope that all those suitcases match or, at least, complement each other.

As for me, I was a married lady once and trust me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Which is why Jennifer Anniston is my kind of gal. She’s a role model for me and for those of us who embrace our singleton lives.  So thanks, Jen, for making our post-divorce and single lifestyle acceptable. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m happy too.