New Year’s Eve Torture

New Year’s Eve Torture

Groan. Another year whips by and here am I facing the worst, most torturous time of the year.

For, if ever there was a holiday I can’t stand and would love to see sink into oblivion, it’s New Year’s Eve. I’d be happy to skip it altogether and may even start a petition to do so.

First, its very arrival means the holiday season is coming to a close, and everyone must get back to business—whether it’s a nine to five office job, working as a (terrifying) clown in the circus, or playing a round of golf a la Tiger Woods. Continue reading

A Dog’s Diary

It’s a new year and in honor of it, I, too, have made a resolution. I would have told you sooner, but this is the first time this year that Cook has permitted me to post. Rather cheeky of her, I’d say, seeing how she knows I am a dog with much on my mind. And a royal one at that!

Mind you, my resolution is not as daft as Cook’s plan to read 50 books and see 50 films. From my vantage point, about 12 inches off the ground, her plan is quite over the top. Fifty Fifty? More like Ten Twenty, I’d say, for I don’t think she can handle reading more than 10 books in one year–and even that’s a stretch. After all, Cook does have to see to my needs.

Now, my resolution is much better because it is more realistic. I have decided to keep a diary. I’m calling it, “A Dog’s Diary,” and with any luck, this diary will convey my life story in a fashion suitable for a king.

Day One

Dear Diary,

I am writing from my perch on the sofa, one I rarely leave except to eat or to take my daily constitutionals. It’s a lovely sofa, done up in regal red, most suitable for a dog of my stature. For I’m a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and I aspire to the highest of callings: To one day sit in the lap of luxury, and by that I mean, on the lap of the Queen.

And speaking of the Queen, did you know that this is the year of her Jubilee celebration? Isn’t this splendid news? I am beside myself with glee just thinking about it! Indeed, I could jump for joy, but first I must take my nap. Writing really is such exhausting work.

There! I’m back from my four-hour nap, which was rather delightful. When I awoke, I was hoping it was time for dinner, but Cook has yet to return from…from…well, wherever she goes when she’s not here. So, I’ll just write in my diary until she does—hold on a minute! I hear a truck approaching, which can only mean one thing! Trouble. Must go bark at it at once!

Okay, I’m back. The truck has pulled away. Crisis averted. Now, where was I?

Oh, yes. I was about to tell you how there are few indignities a Cavalier suffers more than that of being made to look, well, ridiculous. After all, as a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, I pride myself in my appearance.

Which is why I insist on going to the groomers once a month. After all, I do not like looking natty. If it were up to me, I’d be visiting the groomer at least once a week. But when I conferred with Cook about this, she muttered something under her breath that, when I start working and earning my keep, then I can go to the groomers as often as I want. Imagine that! A king with a day job. Well, not on my watch!

So, for now, I must undergo the indignity of not looking my best everyday. Most recently, I was humiliated when I was forced to wear this:

I ask you, is this any way to treat a royal? Cook says I must wear this mac when it rains, so I don’t get wet. Pshaw, I say! Until they invent boots that stay on a dog’s paws while he saunters about, there is no avoiding getting wet. Worse yet, Cook is on the prowl for a cap for dogs with a built-in umbrella to protect a dog’s head from the rain. I cringe and dread the day she finds one and makes me wear it. She has shown me a photograph of one that is designed for humans and it looks like this:

I ask you, is this anyway to treat a–oh, dear! For goodness sakes! Another truck in the vicinity. I must get into barking mode, stat!

Cheerio!

Fifty/Fifty

Happy New Year!

Call me crazy, but I just signed up for a challenge to end all challenges:

To read 50 books (yikes!) and see 50 films (easy peasy, I think) in 2012. In only one year! That’s 12 months, for those counting.

Why, that’s only 365 days!

Can I do it? Time will tell (though, given how busy I am, the odds are against me). Will it be exciting to try? You betcha!

The fifty/fifty challenge is the brainchild of Lilly and Jon, a couple of friends with a passion for the written word. I can give you all the particulars myself, but why bother, when you can read all about it in an email message I received last week from Lilly:

  
As the year comes to an end, I’m thinking of my New Year’s resolutions, and you are probably thinking about yours.

Well, forget working out more, trying to be a nicer person, dropping your bad habits.  BLAH BLAH BLAH.
In fact, forget all the boring resolutions we’ve halfheartedly committed to in the past… because I have a fun one to propose for 2012: fifty/fifty.me

Here’s the challenge: 50 books, 50 movies, 1 year, 1 you. 

Why would you possibly do this?  Because, you’re up for a challenge.  Maybe you haven’t read 50 books in your life.  
Maybe you can’t fathom sitting through 50 movies.  Maybe you just need a reason to justify sitting on your couch for the duration of 2012.
My friend, Jon and I got this crazy idea that it would be fun to do, and we’re inviting you to join us—please visit our website (www.fiftyfifty.me) to determine if you think we’re absolutely insane…or if you want in.   Flip through the FAQs, read about why we are inspired to take this on, and if you’re equally inspired, we hope you will put your name down.  The more the merrier—this is a great family activity (sign up your kids!), tell your friends, tell your co-workers. Heck, tell the dude in the bathroom stall next to you about it.  There really are no limits (Just don’t peer over. Really. Don’t do that.)
You’re not competing against anyone except yourself and your concept of what you can do in a year.  Because we think you can do it.
And before you know it, the year will be over (the world may too, so let’s go for the gold, shall we?) and you will be smarter, better looking, and will have watched slightly less Man vs. Food. Win. Win. Win.
To an adventurous 2012!

Lilly — www.fiftyfifty.me   

So, I hope you’ll join me in this exciting, and insane challenge, and by signing today.  In the words of Bette Davis, who said, in All About Eve, (which is a classic film, that could count toward your goal of 50 flicks):

“Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!” – And a whole lot of fun, too!