Or, Exactly Who Did Kill Lupita Davenport?
A HUMONGOUS thank you to all of you who participated in Bella’s and my Excellent Adventure!
Thank you, too, to those of you who read it and kept coming back to see it develop! We loved you for hanging in there while the story unfolded before your eyes.
Most of all, thank you to my fellow blogger, my friend and partner-in-crime, Bella. She is so amazing, and has a not-to-be-missed blog, One Sister’s Rant. Bella is witty and enormously creative, too. Undertaking this Adventure on the High Seas project was her brilliant idea. So, kudos to you, Bella!
If you ask me, Bella and I have some very imaginative readers, who conjured up a cast of characters. A proverbial ship of fools, I’d say. In other words they were, for lack of a better expression, to die for. Story contributors (besides Bella and me), include, in order of appearance:
So which of these characters killed Lupita Davenport? We know she died at the hands of one—or more?—of her conniving classmates from the Gene Kelly High School of Performing Arts. Class of 1982. But who?
And, what were all of these alumni up to for the last 20 years? Who knows? But one thing’s for sure. They all seemed to suffer from major chips on their shoulders, jealousy, hangovers, hangnails, and envy, and had their own reasons for wanting to exact revenge, to right a wrong or just plain have a go with the man (of some) of their dreams: Thurston Davenport, III. Heir to the Davenport Pickle Company, and otherwise known as the Pickle King.
Seems he was a hot commodity, with looks and wealth, and devotees, such as Sally the songstress who, prior to her transformation, had once been George, Thurston’s best friend in high school; Katrina, who was thin and gorgeous, and despised Lupita; and Denise Diamond, the aging, Glock-carrying movie star who was about to star in the role of a lifetime. As herself.
To be sure, there were some red herrings. Like Kent “the Rocket” Johnson who jostled Elphie, when they first heard the maid’s blood-curdling screams. Or Lizzy Kelcher and Ryan Holden, who were having a tryst of their own. Milady Miranda Mudgeon, who seemed to have a secret agenda that involved a certain fellow named Ashley Montague, despite being married to Cur, a man who’d been found alive and shaken, lying in a pool of pickle juice.
Jane, who was now in the witness protection program—and, why she’d risk leaving it for a high school reunion with classmates she hadn’t seen in 20 years, we’ll never know. Then there’s Snidley Crumburger, who seemed to be constantly sweating bullets, and Cliff Thompson, who seemed to be rather nosy, listening in on other’s thoughts. And a few others who I’m sure I’m leaving out from this convoluted reunion on the high seas.
Finally, there was Sister Mary, the lesbian nun in love with Lupita. We knew from the outset she couldn’t do it, though we wondered why she stole Lupita’s ring. But, it was clear she was still carrying a torch for her darling Lupita.
And, let’s not forget the weapons. A cornucopia that included a Glock, a knife, a candlestick, an umbrella and a hatpin.
But, was there enough motive? Who could have been so maniacal as to end the life of Lupita Davenport? And, does it really matter?
For the life of me, this is one I couldn’t figure out myself. So, to find the answer, I turned to my friend and colleague, Bruce. He has a background in engineering, and a methodical mind as sharp as a tack. In other words, I can’t keep up with his uncanny knowledge and way of analyzing and deciphering everything so that it makes sense. Which is why, I assumed if anyone could determine the killer of this highfalutin story, it would be him. So, I asked Bruce, as a neutral, unbiased party, to read the mystery and figure out the name of the culprit.
Upon reading it, Bruce said this story reminded him of a Federico Fellini film. For those who don’t know, Fellini is the Italian director known for his surrealism and use of hallucinatory imagery, showing people at their most bizarre. Which was all I needed to hear.
He loved it! Since Fellini is highly acclaimed for his work, I’m sure what Bruce was trying to say was that this story is truly brilliant, and should be turned into a film! Now, I’ll drink to that!
I thanked Bruce profusely for the compliment, but asked him to get on with it and tell me who murdered Lupita! After all, inquiring minds have to know!
Exasperated, Bruce looked at me, and declared,
“Only one could have done it. The one who lost her marbles and was crazier than the whole lot of her classmates put together. Who disrobed down to her Manolos, shot bullets in the ceiling with her Glock, and pulled her hair out when she couldn’t find Thurston.”
Why, that person is, none other than Denise Diamond!
So, there you have it. Another case closed. Mystery solved!
Now, be sure to head over to Bella’s so you can learn the results of her version of the story!
Oh, and, if Bruce is right, and we ought to make a film out of this story, tell me, who do you think we should get to play each of the parts?
Thanks again to all who participated! Let’s do it again soon!