Are You as Trademark Savvy as Disney?

Kudos to Disney for having the savoir-faire—and the wherewithal—to trademark “SEAL Team 6.”  Yes, while the rest of us were wondering if Osama Bin Laden was really dead and whether we needed to see a photo of him, gun shot wound and all, in order to believe it, everyone’s favorite mouse, Mickey, was quietly meeting with lawyers, and drawing up the proper papers to trademark the two little words and the one number comprising the stealth band of men that brought down Bin Laden. Which is why, from here on, they will be known as Disney’s SEAL Team 6! Coming to an amusement park near you! Well played, Mickey, well played.

Mickey, the Wizard of Trademarks!

Why did Disney do this? Shrewd business sense, if you ask me. Because now, if anyone wants to make a movie, create a video game, or merchandise anything relating to the SEAL Team 6, they’ll first have to answer to Disney.

Which gives me an idea, why leave the trademarking business to a mouse, when we can do it, too? So I’m getting The Donald to help me.  That’s Donald as in Duck (not Trump, for goodness sakes!).

The duck and I are going to start pouring through mass media and trademark every key word we see—anything that is remotely making news.  I’m savvy enough to know that such words–like Charlie Sheen’s “Winning”–are sure to look ultra cool on a t-shirt, a bumper sticker or adapted into a movie.  We’re going to pour through such bastions of journalistic integrity, as my latest issues of People magazine and Entertainment Weekly, as well as Archie Comics. Ok, maybe this last one won’t help a bit, but, what the heck, I have a weakness for Archie, Betty and Veronica. (My pal, Ruby knows what I’m talking about.).  Here are a few of the terms I already know I’m going to trademark:

The Newlyweds:  Last month, we had the royal wedding. This month, Reese Witherspoon and Blake Shelton tied the knot, though not to each other. So it seems that just about every day another prominent figure is getting hitched which means, inevitably, the word newlywed will appear on some Internet site. Trademark? Check!

Splitsville:  With so many weddings, come the separations—after the honeymoon is over, that is. Seems every week another celeb couple announces they’re splitting up and I’m going to be ready when they do. They’ll have to see me first before getting the green light to use this term.

Green light:  Everyone in Hollywood green lights something at some point.  They’ll have to pay me a residual each time they do! Green light away, my friends!

Jail, bail, DUI, probation:  Lindsay Lohan, Mickey Rourke, and Rick Springfield—look out! You are going to owe me so much money next time!

Defining Moment:  The media love to talk about defining moments, especially when it comes to the office of the president.  Did Monica Lewinsky prove to be a defining moment for President Clinton? Was Hurricane Katrina a defining moment for President Bush?  Was the BP oil spill a defining moment for President Obama?  Every time there’s a new crisis, it is inevitably considered to be a defining moment and, frankly, there’s been too many defining moments. So many that I think it has lost its meaning.  But who cares? I’ll trademark it, anyway!

No-hitter:  Just in time for baseball season. I’m not a fan by any means, but I’ve heard this term before and I expect it’ll be used again. So, who’s ready to hit a no-hitter this season?

Princess Beatrice’s Fascinator: The wedding may long be over, but folks haven’t stopped talking about this incredibly provocative hat and I’m going to be all set for when the movie is made! Let the merchandising begin!

According to the Huffington Post, Disney’s application for the SEAL Team 6 trademark covers everything from entertainment and education services, to toys and games to clothing.  Imagine all the possibilities, then, when I trademark Princess Beatrice’s Fascinator, which already looks like a toy and can most assuredly be turned into a fascinating purse or a divine pair of shoes.  Envision, if you can, when Defining Moment is plastered on a pair of boxer shorts. The applications are endless!  Soon enough, I’ll be reaping in the rewards of my trademark know-how!

So, ask yourself this: Are you as trademark savvy as Disney?  If so, what’ll you trademark?  After all, we can’t let the Mouse have all the fun.

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

I’ve figured out a way to get more traffic to my blog.  Turns out it’s all in the search engine terms. Paul, my award-winning blogger pal of The Good Greatsby fame, gave me the idea.

Here’s all I need to do to make this happen. Write a post, chock full of popular search engine terms, and the visitors will flock in.  They won’t even know what hit them! They’ll be perusing my blog in search of the information they just need to have and, before you know it, they’ll be so intrigued by what I’ve written, they’ll forget all about their search.  It’s that simple!

So forgive me, if this post doesn’t make any sense, but I have to ask, what’s the worst that can happen? I’ll be like Lindsay Lohan and the judge will send me to jail? No way. Or maybe I’ll get assassinated like Gadafi’s son just did?  Fat chance. You know people will be going crazy wanting to know more and that will lead them to me!

Which reminds me, why is Trump cursing these days on his pseudo-presidential stump?  Did you hear him the other night? He dropped one heckuva curse bomb, if you ask me. Maybe he was thinking, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Guess he forgot it was being recorded just like everything else is nowadays.

Anyway, has The Donald given up on the whole birther strategy? I mean, come on, just because President Obama, finally released the long form of his birth certificate (which is actually shorter than the short form, according to the talented Comedy Channel host, Stephen Colbert), I’m sure this conversation isn’t over. So, by all means, Mr. Trump, keep the investigation going! I know you and your Trump hair will get to the bottom of this birth thing.  It’s the only way to keep the media interested in your fake run for the presidency. Remember, the 2012 elections are just around the corner.

Of course the biggest news of the week trumps anything Trump is talking about. I’m talking about the fate of Osama bin Laden. And how about them Navy Seals? Thank goodness they didn’t ask me to help because there’s no way I could have kept that a secret for so long. Those Seals are like Nancy Drew. She, too, knew how to keep a secret.

As the president said during his speech Sunday night, “Justice is served.”  Amen, to that. Though it’s worth noting that if you visited Sarah Palin’s Facebook page Sunday night, when the news broke, you would have seen how her page was abuzz with her fan base thanking the president. President Bush, that is.

Trending: Royal Wedding couple and one miserable flower girl.

Oh, this is so much fun! It’s making me think of all the current events I know.  It’s making me wonder whether Kate and Wills went to the Bahamas or Bahrain for their royal honeymoon. Who knows? And who really cares? I mean, aside from Elton John and the Beckham’s, that is.

Wherever the royal newlyweds are, I bet they haven’t yet heard the rumors about the Apple iPhone 6. Yep, you heard me right. The iPhone 6 is all the buzz, despite the iPhone 5 having yet to be released. It’s the iPhone 6 that is trending on Twitter.  I’m still on the iPhone 3 and was planning to replace it with the 5, but now I better wait until next year for the 6.  Or should I wait for the iPhone 7? I like to be on the cutting edge, after all. Don’t you just love Google?

Rick Springfield, trending on Google after his arrest for a DUI on same weekend of killing of Osama.

Visitors to my blog have already been finding my Tangled Web by using Google’s search engines.  Here are some of the search words that have brought them my way. Some make sense, as they relate to posts I’ve written.  Others, well, see for yourself:


Boardwalk empire sets

Fake family history

Colin Firth pride and prejudice

Henry Ford’s siblings

Rocky Balboa stairs

Tangled Chargers

Grumpy sweatpants (What’s this about? Have they seen what I wear on the weekend?)

Screaming fans in the stands for Cincinnati Bengals

Mexican fugitives (huh?)

Tangled hidden Mickey

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel always sleep

Watching a murder outside window (What the–?)

So I’m pretty sure I’ve thrown in everything but the kitchen sink into this post. Now, I think I’ll just sit back, relax and rest on my laurels, as I watch my WordPress site statistics skyrocket from visits by all those lost souls searching for information on Google. And all I can say is, Gentlemen, start your search engines!

On Notice, Part Deux

In my first On Notice post I gave full credit to my father for inventing the On Notice list. (I’m talking to you, Colbert!) Well, friends, today I give you On Notice, Part Deux.

Highway Construction: My life is complicated enough, that I don’t need highway construction to make it even more so. I don’t want to be diverted or have to sit in a traffic jam because there’s only one lane available, all thanks to the never-ending highway construction on America’s roadways. And I don’t want to have to take the back roads, either. Frankly, I’m not always familiar with the alternate routes and that leads to getting lost. At my age, time is money, so finish the construction already!


There's nothing as scary as a toy clown!


Toy Clowns: Has there been any toy that is scarier? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kids and clowns don’t mix–unless you want to scare the living daylights out of them. There is nothing more nerve wracking then the anticipation of a clown about to pop out of a box. The music alone, as you crank the lever, is enough to make your skin crawl. These clowns were made for one thing only: to taunt you. So, to clowns of all sizes I say, enough!!

Lindsay Lohan’s Parents: And Paris Hilton’s too, for that matter. When are you going to put your daughters in time out? They need help and they need it now. Remember, you’re never too old for tough love. Really. Discipline is what’s lacking. Clearly, Mom and Dad, you were too lax. Set limits. Work it out and help your kid. Oh yeah, that’s right. This is because your parents weren’t there for you, right? Well, I’m putting Lindsay and Paris’ grandparents on notice too!

Airplane Travel: Who likes to travel anymore? Soon, I’ll be telling my grandchildren that once there was a thing called direct, non-stop flights, which are impossible to find now. If I could figure out a way to go from California to New York, that is just as fast or close to it, then I’d stop flying. The airlines hold us hostage and they know it. We have to fly and they have to torture us, not to mention, nickel and dime us. Sigh.

Beanie Babies – These were supposed to be collector’s items. Why else did I buy 200 of them? I never even took the tags off! Curse you, Ty, Inc., for making them cute and for making so many!

Product Recalls: Face it, everything is recalled at one time or another. Can’t we agree to recognize that the quality of goods in America is only so-so at best and call it a wash? No need for more recalls. Just use the products you buy, eat your hamburgers, your veggies too, and think of it as a game called Russian Roulette. This past year, my car’s floor mats were recalled, not to mention the battery in my navigational system, and I for one am going to ignore these recalls. Same goes for you, eggs and tomatoes! Nothing is immune from recall and it makes my head spin trying to keep track.

Neopolitan Ice Cream: Sure, three flavors to choose from but guess which one everyone wants? Chocolate. So pretty soon the chocolate side is gone and you have this big gaping hole and now you can’t find anyone to eat the strawberry because it has that weirdly artificial strawberry taste. And you can’t have any more chocolate until you finish the strawberry and vanilla so you can buy a new carton. My advice: Just buy chocolate ice cream. Problem solved.

Dog Owners: At least those who do not clean up after their dogs. As a dog owner myself, I respect the grass and all the outdoors. I carry little bags in a rainbow of colors so that I can pick up after mine. So why can’t every other dog owner do the same? Might as well be asking, why can’t we all get along?

Stewart/Colbert Restore Sanity/Fear Dueling Rallies: Yes, I know these rallies are the most talked about, happening event of the year. Don’t get me wrong. I’m ALL for sanity. And I wouldn’t mind a little fear mongering. But still, I curse you, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, for not planning these in a place where I can attend—closer to the West Coast, say Los Angeles or, better yet, San Diego! And why must you talk about the rallies on your shows each night? To rub it in my face that I’m too far to attend?! Now, if I could get a direct, non-stop flight, that would be another story. So until then, I’m boycotting the rallies. Which is too bad, because I really wanted to go. Which is why you’re on notice, airline industry!