I blew it! I might as well throw in the towel and turn in my badge. Yes, it’s true. I’m a failure at my neighborhood watch. Blame it on Daylight Savings. You know, that fall back, spring forward thing. This weekend, we all fell back and I’m not even sure if now this means that we’re on real time or not. Blame it on my friend, Evelyn, who had a big milestone birthday bash (though I won’t tell you which milestone). And, while you’re at it, might as well blame it on me having too much to drink at said party. I can’t help it if I’m a sucker for Mojitos and I drank one!
Bottom line, when I should have been watching my neighborhood, I was slacking—blissfully asleep at 1:37 a.m. Sunday morning. Which is when, according to my neighbor, Tony, the police descended on our complex—with bullhorns, I might add—and probably guns at the ready, to arrest a woman. Tall, mid-forties blonde, hair disheveled. But who can blame her at 1:37 a.m.? Wow, unlike me, Tony was really paying attention. He saw it all because he was awoken and he’s not even on my neighborhood watch!
Apparently, according to Tony, there was a warrant out for this woman’s arrest. And I missed it! I bet there were even helicopters hovering overhead and I missed it! Maybe even military copters, too. Worse yet, one of the cops might have been Harrison Ford, or at least looked like the actor, while the other looked like one of the Baldwin’s. And I missed it! If you ask me, Harrison Ford at any age is a keeper!
When the police used their bullhorns to demand that the woman come out of her home, she must have wished she’d known she would be brought to justice by Officer Ford and one of the Baldwin’s. She probably wished she’d been given time to put on some makeup and comb out her “bed” hair. That’s what I would’ve done. Which just goes to show you, my mother was always right when she said, “Never go to bed in ratty pajamas. You never know who’s going to see you in them.” I bet she wasn’t even thinking of Harrison Ford.
My chance to step up and I missed it. Simply because I slept through it! I could have helped the police and brought out my own bullhorn—which I purchased months ago, waiting for such an opportunity as this one. I could have used it to let the police know that they could count on me. I’d say to the Harrison Ford cop, “What’s the trouble, officer?” and “10-4,” when he replied. I would have let him know that the assailant—or whatever they were calling her—had never before been seen in this vicinity (at least that’s what yet another neighbor swore to me). And I’d assure him, that had I known she was wanted by the law, I personally would have called the police right away.
But I couldn’t do these things because I was asleep at the switch. Conked out at the wheel. Me, who wakes up at the sound of rain. And what about my dog, Henry? What’s his excuse? He didn’t awaken either! Like Lassie, he could have barked to warn me that there was trouble afoot. Some watchdog.
What else is going on in my community while I’m sleeping? What other crimes are happening right under my unaware nose? Sigh. I haven’t a clue. But one thing’s clear. My neighborhood watch is doomed.