The Right to Wear Powdered Wigs and Use Outhouses

The truth is, I’ve got nothing to blog about. The longer I’ve stayed away from blogging, the harder it’s been to get back into the groove. Not because I’ve been working on some important pursuit, like writing the Great American Novel. Sadly, that’s not why. Continue reading

That’s All She Wrote

That’s All She Wrote

Folks, I’ve reached the end of the line. Sayonara, NaBloPoMo. It’s been grand. Thanks to you, I’ve added 30 posts to my blog, with this last one being my 399th. Whew.

Yet, this last post is not a happy camper. Not by a long shot. In fact, it’s got an attitude like you wouldn’t believe, and whines incessantly.

“Why me? Why do I have to be the last post?” Continue reading

Henry the Blogger

If you ask me, my dog, Henry, is getting kind of uppity.  Sure, he’s a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, which means he descends from royalty. And, yes, he also expects a certain lifestyle, one befitting a king. Some might even say that Henry is a high-maintenance dog. But that would be an understatement.

Does this dog deserve a blog of his own? Hmm...

Recently, Henry noticed that there are many dogs out there with a blog, and now he has decided that he wants one, too. But here’s the thing: Henry can’t type to save his life. I don’t know how the other dogs do it, like Lola, Bassa or Uptown Dog. They have great blogs. But, when it comes to typing, Henry is all, ahem, thumbs. I’ve tried to teach him the basics. I figured, if he could type with just one paw, he’d be ahead of the game. But he refuses to even learn, and often ends up just pawing at my desk.

Clearly, this is one dog that cannot learn new tricks. Which is why, last night, during dinner, he asked me to be his secretary.  I nearly choked on my peas.

“I beg your pardon, Sir?” (You need to use words like  “pardon” and “Sir” when addressing royalty.)

Henry then said that what he really means is, he wants me to take dictation for his new blog.  But he doesn’t understand that:

  • I’m pretty busy as it is, and can’t take on yet another project, even if it is for a good cause.
  • He barks his thoughts rather slowly, which in turn, would take me forever to write down.
  • Sometimes I can’t figure out what he’s trying to say. Learning bark language isn’t the easiest, you know.  Like one time, when he said, “Cavaliers make amazing….and that’s how I lost my dignity…if only they fed me better.”

That’s all I could get out him. “Make amazing” what? Crocheted sweaters? Annoyances? And what’s this about losing his dignity? I’ll never know.

So I asked Henry, what he would call his blog if he had one.

“Untangling the Web,” was his immediate reply.

Apparently, he’s under the misguided impression that I’ve been successful with my tangled web of a blog, and so, he wants a crack at untangling it.

“After all,” he added, “Your readers have yet to hear my side of the story.”

His side? “What exactly is your side of the story?” I boldly asked. He shrugged and told me I could read about it in his blog, if he had one.

I then said, “A year ago you didn’t even know what a blog is.” He curtly countered that, a year ago, I didn’t have much of a following, and suggested that it is only when I’ve used photos of him that my readership has seen a spike.

“Not true!” I cried. “You haven’t seen my stats lately!” I then reminded him that he cannot have a blog, simply because he cannot type. To which, Henry said, rather miffed, that it was rather unseemly of me to remind a king of his flaws.

Henry retreats in a huff.

Feeling guilty, I said, “Cheer up, little man. I’m happy to write about you in my blog, now and then.”

He, cheekily replied, it’s the then I’m concerned about. The tall person allows Bassa to blog everyday. With you, I’ll be lucky to get exposure twice a year. I pointed out that he likes Roxy and she doesn’t have her own blog.

Which is when he gave me the stink eye, and retreated to one of his many plush beds, looking a bit despondent.

“Well, Henry,” I said, “Is there anything else you want to add in your defense?”

“Blogs about dogs are trending now, you know,” he said, wagging his tail.

Shaking my head, I went to wash the dishes. Oh, Henry, it seems we are at a standstill.

For a royal dog, he’s quite good at laying on the guilt. In fact, you could say, he’s got me feeling rather sheepish these days. Still, I’m not ready to give in and will have to think about this some more. After all, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

London Actress Picks Me!

I’ve won the Kreativ Blogger Award!

I just knew She Writes would propel me to stardom!  (Read my recent post, titled, She Writes!)  I haven’t been a member for long, but I’ve already gained oodles of fellow writer friends and have helped to plan a Meetup with other local She Writes members.  We’re getting together for lunch soon. Can’t wait!

And now my blog is the proud recipient of the Kreativ Blogger award! If you ask me, this is the equivalent of winning the Pulitzer Prize or the Publisher’s Clearinghouse. So, I’m taking a bow and shouting from the rafters with joy. Yipee! Applause, applause!

So whom do I have to thank for all this wonderful, amazing and practically overnight sudden fame?  One of my new blogger friends, that’s who! And happily, we met thanks to She Writes. Isabelle Gregson is her name and she says she bestowed the award on me because I “make her laugh.” Imagine that!

Her blog, As the Actress said to the Bishop, offers an inside look into the world of an actress living in London who’s pounding the pavement in search of her breakthrough role.  (I’m rooting for you, Isabelle!)  Be sure to check it out!

There are two rules to accepting the Kreativ Blogger Award.

Rule #1: Pass it on to 10 other bloggers. No problemo! Congratulations to the following bloggers, whose writings I enjoy. Trust me, these folks are among the best.

  • Aging and Other Inconveniences – A funny angle on getting old from a Texas gal who was raised on a ranch, and once called a “Hoer” while on a date. If you want to know about aging gracefully, you won’t find it here.
  • Genesis Meranda – Charming, random and very consumer savvy. Grab a bag of Doritos or a slice of Sara Lee and enjoy.
  • The Good Greatsby – This one’s owned and operated by a guy named Paul, and one of these days he’s going to be invited to host Saturday Night Live. He’s that funny, with a super skewed take on all kinds of stuff.
  • Herding Cats in Hammond River – A charming slice-of-life blog with a small-town Lake Wobegon feel. You’ll chuckle; you’ll feel comforted, too.
  • Ironic Mom –  You just gotta love anyone whose motto is, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, laugh at your kids.”  And her six-year-old twins give her lots to amuse her—and us.
  • Leah’s Thoughts – Leah’s my longtime friend who writes about being a young mom, her faith, cooking delicious meals and all the books she’s read (don’t know where she finds the time).
  • The Life and Times of a Self-Proclaimed Saucy Bitch – Think chick lit. Think Jersey Housewives. Now toss those out the window and meet one sassy, Saucy Bitch with a lot on her mind and she’s not afraid to let you know. You’ll enjoy! You’ll want to dish with her, too. Enough said.
  • Me 2.0 – The author of this blog, Mikalee, feels like an old friend, but we’ve only met in this virtual world.  Yet, we’re struck by the similarities in our lives. Read about her travails as she machetes her way through the jungle that is divorce. Been there, done that.
  • Sunshine in London – A rather clever, South African woman with a fresh, sunny perspective on life in Merry Ol’ England. I keep hoping she’ll add me to her blogroll—maybe dreams do come true?
  • Writer’s Block – I have a special fondness for this blogger.  Cappy, or Caps as I like to call her.  She’s young and smart-alecky wise beyond her years. The girl has moxie! And so what if she duped me with her April Fools prank? I like her style!

Rule #2: Share 10 things you don’t know about me. Ok, here goes–no, wait! On second thought, I think I’ll save these tasty tidbits for my next post. Stay tuned!

She Writes!

Or, Bloggin’ Baby Boomer knows no Bounds (That’s me!)

I’m a woman with backbone and I have a bona fide confession:  I LOVE to write.  Which is why I adore the printed word and which also explains why, at the tender age of 6, I drove my mother crazy while sitting in the backseat of her Chevy, obsessively reading aloud all the street and retail signs, not to mention billboards we’d pass along the road.  Shop Rite. Stop. No U-Turn. A&P. “I’d rather fight than switch.” And so on.  Sometimes I’d make my mother slow down, to give me time to read even more signs.

Fifty years later and I’m a bloggin’ fool and, if you know anything about bloggers, well, there’s nothing a blogger won’t do to get a little attention (Translation: More visitors to the blog). I mean, we love writing, but without an audience, what are we—just trees falling in the forest, with no one to hear our cries? TIMBER!

And as a writer, I must say, I love chatting, tweeting, exchanging emails and submitting comments to other bloggers.  So, who knew I could have it all with one amazing, glorious site? I’m speaking, of course of She Writes.

Here’s their raison d’etre in a nutshell:

She Writes is a community, virtual workplace, and emerging marketplace for women who write, with over 14,000 active members from all 50 states and more than 30 countries. Leveraging social media tools and harnessing women’s collaborative power, She Writes is fast becoming the destination for all women who write.

I came across She Writes while discovering  “Out of My Mind,” a blog written by Linda Cassidy Lewis, author of “The Brevity of Roses.” Her post, ironically called,  “The Problem with Writing,” was recently Freshly Pressed by  Well, as I read her post and scrolled all the way down reading the gazillion comments she received that day, I noticed a little icon badge on her site, that said quite simply, “I’m a member of SHE WRITES.”

Kamy Wicoff, She Writes Founder/Chief Innovation Officer

Which piqued my interest, and so I clicked. From there, I entered a whole new, exciting world of women writers who love nothing better than to write and network.  Sheer perfection, if you ask me!

Of course, I first had to complete a simple, but very probing, application to make sure I really was a writer, or at least serious about it.  Are you a blogger? Check.  Are you published? I cringed. Err, no.  Do you review books, television or film? Does having a crush on Colin Firth count? Do you offer services to other writers? Uh, a pat on the back, a “you go, girl” on occasion. Is that an acceptable response?

Are you part of a writers’ group or a writers’ salon? Is “N/A” sufficient? Though, frankly, I wouldn’t mind being part of a salon—sounds fancy!

I submitted my scant answers and was told I’d have to wait to learn whether or not they’d accept me. Talk about pressure. I was sweating bullets for 48 hours. I was sure if they didn’t accept me, it was because they’d seen me for the writing imposter that I am. Not published, indeed! Who did I think I was, trying to get in on the ground floor?

But OMG, they liked me! They really liked me! At least that’s what I assumed when I got the email stating I was in like Flint. I did a little happy dance until I realized I was in the office and everyone was staring.

When I got home that night, I dove into my new She Writes home with gusto, following their tips for newcomers, in order to create my page. Uploading a picture, writing all about my wonderful, writing self and, of course, detailing my zeal for blogging.  Then I perused the more than 250 distinct writing groups to see which ones I could join. Here, at last, my chance to find like-minded writers in such tantalizing groups as, “She Writes in California,” “Bloggers: Let’s Make It Work,” “Multicultural Writers,”  “Funny Women,” “Baby Boomers” and “Blog to Book.” (As to the latter, well, a girl can dream, can’t she?)

I’ve already made eight friends on She Writes (Soneet, Shary Folkmann, Amy Wise, Scrollwork, Julie Farrar, Tina Lane, Rukhpar Mor, Tele Aadsen and Sierra Writers), and can’t wait to make more–assuming they still like me. No matter. I just adore my new She Writes home! I may even move there and live forever within its pages of comments, encouragement, and words of wisdom from the over 14,000 members.  That is, if I can figure out how to take my toothbrush with me.

So friends, it comes down to this: If you’re a writer I encourage you to become a member (my friend, Leah, just did!). And if you do, tell them I sent you.  It’ll help me earn brownie points and hopefully keep them from throwing me out for the unpublished rapscallion that I am!  After all, I’m just having too much fun with She Writes!