Tag Archives: Apple

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

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I’ve figured out a way to get more traffic to my blog.  Turns out it’s all in the search engine terms. Paul, my award-winning blogger pal of The Good Greatsby fame, gave me the idea.

Here’s all I need to do to make this happen. Write a post, chock full of popular search engine terms, and the visitors will flock in.  They won’t even know what hit them! They’ll be perusing my blog in search of the information they just need to have and, before you know it, they’ll be so intrigued by what I’ve written, they’ll forget all about their search.  It’s that simple!

So forgive me, if this post doesn’t make any sense, but I have to ask, what’s the worst that can happen? I’ll be like Lindsay Lohan and the judge will send me to jail? No way. Or maybe I’ll get assassinated like Gadafi’s son just did?  Fat chance. You know people will be going crazy wanting to know more and that will lead them to me!

Which reminds me, why is Trump cursing these days on his pseudo-presidential stump?  Did you hear him the other night? He dropped one heckuva curse bomb, if you ask me. Maybe he was thinking, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Guess he forgot it was being recorded just like everything else is nowadays.

Anyway, has The Donald given up on the whole birther strategy? I mean, come on, just because President Obama, finally released the long form of his birth certificate (which is actually shorter than the short form, according to the talented Comedy Channel host, Stephen Colbert), I’m sure this conversation isn’t over. So, by all means, Mr. Trump, keep the investigation going! I know you and your Trump hair will get to the bottom of this birth thing.  It’s the only way to keep the media interested in your fake run for the presidency. Remember, the 2012 elections are just around the corner.

Of course the biggest news of the week trumps anything Trump is talking about. I’m talking about the fate of Osama bin Laden. And how about them Navy Seals? Thank goodness they didn’t ask me to help because there’s no way I could have kept that a secret for so long. Those Seals are like Nancy Drew. She, too, knew how to keep a secret.

As the president said during his speech Sunday night, “Justice is served.”  Amen, to that. Though it’s worth noting that if you visited Sarah Palin’s Facebook page Sunday night, when the news broke, you would have seen how her page was abuzz with her fan base thanking the president. President Bush, that is.

Trending: Royal Wedding couple and one miserable flower girl.

Oh, this is so much fun! It’s making me think of all the current events I know.  It’s making me wonder whether Kate and Wills went to the Bahamas or Bahrain for their royal honeymoon. Who knows? And who really cares? I mean, aside from Elton John and the Beckham’s, that is.

Wherever the royal newlyweds are, I bet they haven’t yet heard the rumors about the Apple iPhone 6. Yep, you heard me right. The iPhone 6 is all the buzz, despite the iPhone 5 having yet to be released. It’s the iPhone 6 that is trending on Twitter.  I’m still on the iPhone 3 and was planning to replace it with the 5, but now I better wait until next year for the 6.  Or should I wait for the iPhone 7? I like to be on the cutting edge, after all. Don’t you just love Google?

Rick Springfield, trending on Google after his arrest for a DUI on same weekend of killing of Osama.

Visitors to my blog have already been finding my Tangled Web by using Google’s search engines.  Here are some of the search words that have brought them my way. Some make sense, as they relate to posts I’ve written.  Others, well, see for yourself:

Clowns

Boardwalk empire sets

Fake family history

Colin Firth pride and prejudice

Henry Ford’s siblings

Rocky Balboa stairs

Tangled Chargers

Grumpy sweatpants (What’s this about? Have they seen what I wear on the weekend?)

Screaming fans in the stands for Cincinnati Bengals

Mexican fugitives (huh?)

Tangled hidden Mickey

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel always sleep

Watching a murder outside window (What the–?)

So I’m pretty sure I’ve thrown in everything but the kitchen sink into this post. Now, I think I’ll just sit back, relax and rest on my laurels, as I watch my WordPress site statistics skyrocket from visits by all those lost souls searching for information on Google. And all I can say is, Gentlemen, start your search engines!

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If I Could Do it All Again

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If I could do it all again, I wouldn’t have believed I’d stay young forever and that time would never get the better of me. And I would have never sized up my parents, when they were in their 50’s, and thought, “Now that’s old.”

I’d have gone into marriage with my eyes wide open and made sure to keep the channels of communication going. I would have sought counseling long before any problems emerged.

I would have kept separate bank accounts. And I would have never given up my last name for his. While I’m at it, I’d have given my daughter my last name as her middle one.

I would have spent the $400 it cost to travel to Russia with my high school classmates.

I’d have spoken to my kids in Spanish right from the start, so that they could have grown up bilingual.

I wouldn’t have let vanity overtake me and dump my high school sweetheart just because he was a year younger, forever relegating him to, “The one that got away.”

I would never have let my mother’s broken English embarrass me. Ditto for her heavy accent.

I would have appreciated my college education more, studied hard and not skipped out on class. Ever.

I would have invested in Apple when they first came out with the iMac.

I would have gone to Europe in my youth.

I would have practiced piano daily and stuck with it. I also would’ve mastered ice skating and had a flair for figure eights.

I would have gone to Russia with my high school classmates on a two-week trip that only cost $400 per student.

I would have learned how to repair things around the house and change a tire. I would never have fallen for the old axiom that a husband would one day take care of me.

I would not have been irrationally terrified by Patty Duke, for her portrayal of Helen Keller, in “The Miracle Worker,” and I would not have convinced my seven-year-old self that she was lurking in the shadows of my childhood home.

I would have regularly eaten broccoli and acquired a taste for the nutrient-rich veggie.

I would have taken singing lessons just for fun, learn a third language like French or Italian, and started tap classes at age four. I would have joined a Girl Scouts troop, too.

I would have devoted myself to writing and be working on my sixth novel by now. Better yet, I would have come up with the idea for the Harry Potter saga first, leaving J.K. Rowling in the dust. And maybe I would have even written an eighth Harry Potter novel.

I would have called my parents daily and visited them every summer. Even holidays.

I would not have voted for the 2003 California Governor Recall simply because said governor had tripled the vehicle license fee.  I’m pretty sure the repeal of that fee increase is what led to the downfall of the state’s economy and helped put California in the dire straights it’s in today.

If I could do it all again, I would have hugged my kids more often when they were little and when they still loved hugging back. I would have held them tightly and treasured their childhood years, knowing that all too soon they’d be all grown up.

If I could to it all again, I’d memorize each joyful moment of my life, to relive over and over in my golden years.

If I could do it all again, there would be no regrets. No fuss, no muss. I would recognize the frailty of life and savor, while I can, the company of those who matter most to me. If I could do it all again, could I? Would I? Would you?