Law | Monica's Tangled Web

The funny thing about divorce is that it’s not something you learn how to deal with in advance. Sure, my high school taught me all about Home Economics–how to bake cookies, set a table, and sew a stitch. We had Driver’s Ed classes, too. But, I don’t recall any classes on the in’s and out’s of untying the knot. No siree, Bob!

Candace Bahr and Ginita Wall. Photo credit: Jim Spadoni.

And, if such a class had existed, who among us would have signed up for it? After all, don’t we all want to believe that when we marry, it’s for good? Happily ever after, till death do us part, and all that.

Had there been such a class, I might have been ready when my marriage hit the skids. Maybe I wouldn’t have been free falling, and feeling like it was the end of the world.

And, it wasn’t. More like the end of a dream. The dream of a house with the proverbial white picket fence, a dad and mom with kids, a tail-wagging dog and perhaps, a fluffy cat in the yard.

Instead, my reality was a husband with cheating ways, a house with a crab-grass lawn and ants wreaking havoc in the kitchen, and one over-flowing toilet. Plus, we didn’t have a dog—royal or otherwise—but we did have a cat that loved peeing on everything. The only part I seemed to have gotten right were the kids, and I don’t know what I would have done without them.

Ah, divorce. Suffice it to say, I was miserable during that time. And, I was flailing. But then, I learned of a workshop, called:

Second Saturday Divorce Workshops

I signed up and, I will tell you, taking that workshop was the beginning for me. It gave me an inkling of hope, something I hadn’t felt in a long time, and made me realize I wasn’t alone, as I sat in the classroom surrounded by women facing the demise of their marriages–and their dreams. It was like discovering there was a manual all along, on how to get started, figure out finances, family law and also, on how to get through the emotional roller coaster that comes with divorce.

They say knowledge is power, and I certainly felt empowered after taking the class. I even found a therapist through the Second Saturday workshop, one who offered a group therapy that focused on connecting with your emotions through–

WRITING!!

Talk about tailor made for me! I loved, loved, LOVED my therapy and looked forward to each session. Today, I thank my lucky stars that I enrolled in Second Saturday, a workshop that, to be honest, I haven’t thought about in years. Not until I sat down to interview two financial experts, and soon discovered that they are the brains behind Second Saturday, which is now available in over 40 states!

Candace Bahr and Ginita Wall have dedicated themselves to helping women with their finances, through their nonprofit website, WIFE.org (Women’s Institute for Financial Education). Not only are they responsible for creating the divorce workshops, their website is a must for any woman.

WIFE.org offers countless tips and free resources, such as:

The 21-Day Makeover, where you can sign up to receive daily tips for three weeks, that will help you get on track for being debt-free and saving; and
A Money Club, in which you and your friends can get together and help each other improve your finances. The tools to get started are all there—and it’s free!

In honor of March being Women’s History Month, be sure to check out my interview with Wall and Bahr. I think you’ll agree, their motto is a sound one:

A Man is Not a Financial Plan

Walk for Animals Update: In other news, you’ve been so generous in making contributions for the upcoming San Diego Humane Society’s Walk for Animals and, because of this, I’ve decided to hand out two awards, not just one.

So, congratulations to Valentine Logar and Susan McBeth!

You will each receive a Kindle copy of Little Boy Blue by Kim Kavin. Please contact me at monicastangledweb@gmail.com and let me know the email address you would like me to use in order to gift you the Kindle book.

And, to all who have contributed to the Walk for Animals, Henry and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Last fall, I was captivated by a man I met at a screening of a PBS documentary called, America By the Numbers, which is all about the changing face of America and its impact on the elections. He was one of the speakers and, as he spoke, I was struck by how much he knew about immigration and its influence on presidential politics.

Wong at age 11.

He talked in a thoughtful, soft-spoken sort of way. And, as he presented a slew of statistics, the conversation soon turned to undocumented immigrants, and more specifically, to him. Quite matter-of-factly, this expert on immigration mentioned that he, too, had been an undocumented immigrant.

The entire audience, 100 or so of us, did a collective double take. Did we hear right? Had this scholarly young man, a faculty member at a prestigious university, just say he grew up as an undocumented youth?

Yep, it’s true. His name is Tom K. Wong and I was so taken with his story that I had to interview him. So, just before the holidays, we sat down and chatted about his life, his dreams, and his mission to help other undocumented immigrants become citizens, too.

I learned so much in our short time together, but the biggest takeaway for me was realizing that when most of us think of undocumented immigrants we picture a Latino face. A Mexican face. But in doing so, we are missing the point.

Undocumented immigrants come in all shapes and sizes and from all parts of the world. True, there are many undocumented Latinos living among us. But there are also countless undocumented Asians, Europeans, and Canadians. They don’t all “climb over a wall” to get here. Nor, are they all smuggled into the country. Some arrive on planes or trains. Legally at first, with a visa, and then the visa expires and they’re still here.

For the undocumented children, who were brought here by their parents, this may very well be the only country they know. They have friends here. They’re going to school here, and playing kickball, too. And often, they don’t know the truth about themselves.

There are many paths to becoming an undocumented immigrant. But there are so very few to becoming a citizen.

And, the undocumented are not all migrant workers, maids, janitors, and the like. Some have white-collar jobs. Like Tom, who is on the faculty of the University of California, San Diego.

I hope you’ll read my interview with Tom that I wrote for my new Hey Neighbor! blog. His is quite a fascinating story.

Please be sure to read Tom K. Wong on Life as an Undocumented Youth and do let me know what you think! Here’s a preview:

Tom K. Wong is haunted by a childhood memory. It is of being awakened in the middle of the night by his mother, and being taken into the hallway, along with his older brother. There, she held them both tightly and sobbed while helicopters hovered overhead…(Click here to read more.)

Monica's Tangled Web

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An Undocumented Youth

Tom K. Wong is haunted by a childhood memory. It is of being awakened in the middle of the night by his mother, and being taken into the hallway, along with his older brother. There, she held them both tightly and sobbed while helicopters hovered overhead…(Click here to read more.)

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Tom K. Wong is haunted by a childhood memory. It is of being awakened in the middle of the night by his mother, and being taken into the hallway, along with his older brother. There, she held them both tightly and sobbed while helicopters hovered overhead…(Click here to read more.)

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