Woman in her prime is most in need of a family. Why, you ask?
It seems her own family, whom heretofore have been contentedly living in San Diego and providing a solid emotional support system to said woman, have upped and left the state with not so much as a by your leave.
Thus, with no other recourse–and at the end of her proverbial wits–the woman in question (who chooses to remain anonymous at this time) is seeking a family who lives in the vicinity (or thereabout, as long as it’s within a 25 mile radius) and whom she can count on say, 90 to 100% of the time.
In other words, a family that has absolutely no plans to move away and desert her!
The above stated woman is a good conversationalist with a fine sense of humor (though sometimes she can be acerbic, but then that’s a New Yorker for you, I mean, assuming she’s a New Yorker and I’m not declaring that she is.)
Word on the street is that she’s a rather good egg. Regretfully, however, she is not at all handy around the house. Some might say, about all she can do is hang a framed picture on the wall, though there’s no guarantee it won’t be askew.
On the plus, she’s creative. Enjoys writing, blogging, and a bit of scrapbooking now and then. After all, she does have a flair for color, if I say so myself–not that I’m talking about me, I should say not. But I, ahem, I mean she wants you to know, that if you’re color-blind, no worries. She can make sure your outfit doesn’t clash or frighten the sensibilities.
She knows how to cook and can whip up anything, from scrambled eggs to a paella for eight, and her banana bread with chocolate chips is scrumptious–or so they say. Personally, I wouldn’t know.
She is easily entertained by TV or a good book, whichever happens to catch her fancy, though more often than not, it’s the former. Too much TV, I always say! Oh, and she enjoys a catnap now and then–mostly, now–and also, long walks around the bend.
And, she loves, loves LOVES to dance, whether it be Zumba or a little tap dance a la Fred Astaire!
One thing’s certain: She often must work late and attend fancy functions, so she will need help caring for the dogs—one, known simply as “H,” descends from royalty and is rather high maintenance, but that’s part of his charm! Sadly, the one known as “O” or “O Twist,” is an orphan.
She doesn’t ask for much from her soon to be adopted family, besides walking and feeding her dogs when she’s unavailable, but the following requests are a must. No exceptions!
- Invite her to all major holiday gatherings in your home
- Bring her along when you go to the movies and let her have a say in selecting which film to see (must have a minimum of 80% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, by the way)
- Phone her once a week to say hello and text her 4-5 times a week just because
- Stop by to help when the plumbing’s backed up or when her computer has a hiccup
- Change the battery on all her fire detectors once a year
- Twice a month, she will expect you for Sunday dinner and it wouldn’t hurt if you took the trash containers out to the curb afterwards
Finally, all her shots/vaccinations are up to date.
Bonus: This woman will make an excellent grandmother for some well-behaved children (no back-talk is a must). She has extensive experience babysitting and will read to the kiddies, provided they call her “grandma.”
Please inquire soon. All offers will be seriously considered, however, no monkeys, arsonists, wildebeests or riffraff need apply, I’m just saying. Dysfunctional families okay.
Thank you for your consideration–and may the best family win (or lose, depending on how you look at it).