They say that writing letters is a lost art. Well, not for me. Watch as I write these very important letters, which I even send to my dogs. Then tell me, to whom are you going to send a letter? Chop chop!
Dear Netflix,
Stop trying to take over my life. I’m on to you and you know exactly what I mean.
Creating all these stellar shows and forcing me to binge watch, because we both know that one isn’t enough. Frankly, shows like “Orange is the New Black” and your latest one, “Bloodline,” are so good I can’t tear myself away. What’s up with Florida, anyway? It’s ripe with deviants, I’ll tell you what. Certainly not a promotional tourism ad for Key West, I’ll tell you that. Heck, I love the stuff. Even, Ricky Gervais’ series, “Derek.” That show tugs at the heartstrings like nobody’s business. So thank you. Thank you, very much!
Dear Driver,
Do us all a favor and turn yourself in. I didn’t see what happened but rolling through a stop sign instead of coming to a full stop is wrong. And, in front of an elementary school?? Seriously? You hit a boy and now he’ll never be the same. Now, do the right thing, and fess up. You won’t be able to live with your conscious otherwise. It’s time to come clean.
Dear Father Time,
You’re moving too fast. Thanks to you, the day barely gets going and next thing you know the sun is setting. And gosh darn it, it happens every day! What’s up with that? I think it’s time you put mom at the helm, she’ll know to slow down so we have enough time to smell the daisies, enjoy the moment and sing a joyful song. Oh, and still have time for a nap or two.
Dear Oliver,
I’m on to you, kiddo. Every morning as I prepare to leave for the office, I see you slowly make your way to the door to the garage, acting all nonchalant as you stealthily wait in the shadows, under the dining room table, for the right moment to plunge right into the garage and into the car. What for? To go to work with me? No can do, little guy. The office is no place for a rapscallion like you. 😉
Dear Henry,
Every time I look at you I’m racked with guilt. You’re the one who didn’t want to go for a walk. Stubborn as an ox, you are. So yes, I pulled on your leash to get you going and what did you do? Ram your little face into a lamp pole. And now, you’ve got a scratch in your eye, you’re taking eye drops three times a day and, in order to stop you from rubbing your eye, you must wear a silly cone head—which is a far cry from the royal crown you usually wear. And me? I am a tortured soul. Mea culpa, Henry, mea culpa.
Dear Hand Shaker,
Why do we still shake hands when we first meet? I mean, does the word, “cooties” mean anything to you? Frankly I don’t want yours, seeing how I pride myself on not getting sick and want to keep it that way. So keep your hands in your pockets and don’t give me your Ebola, the flu or whatever it is you have. Don’t you understand that this custom of shaking hands was created long before anyone knew of germs and disease?? Now, where’s the sanitizer?
Dear What Was I Thinking,
I never throw dinner parties. I don’t have time for that. Yet for some reason, I decide to plan a small, intimate dinner party for just a few folk. Next thing I know I’ve turned party of six it into a catered affair for more than 20! What was I thinking and who put those crazy thoughts in my head?? Clearly it was you. Entrapment, that’s what I say!
Dear Expressions of Yore,
Why don’t we say “jeepers creepers” anymore? Ditto for “bee’s knees,” “life of Riley” and “everything’s groovy.” If we’re going to do away with them because they’re evocative of another time then they deserve to be on display in a museum like the Smithsonian. After all, they’re fun to say and so descriptive, too. Like a frolic in the woods. By the way, I think you’re the cat’s pajamas. That’s all.
Dear Mindy Kaling,
Thank you for making one of the best, funniest TV series around. I know you wanted “The Mindy Project” to have the feel of one of those Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks romantic comedies, channeling the sparkling wit and wisdom of Nora Ephron. Well, you’ve succeeded and them some. Each half-hour episode feels like a mini rom-com and I find myself lost in the frothy parfait that it is, cheering you on every step of the way. You’re my kind of girl, Mindy, and I love that you’re a woman of color, making it big in the Hollywood industry. Mindy and Danny rock! And anyone who doesn’t believe me, should watch this clip:
Monica's Tangled Web 
These are wonderful letters. Yeah, what is up with Florida? I don’t recall it being the land of whack jobs when I was little. “House of Cards” is my current Netflix guilty pleasure, but I’m forcing myself to spread the viewing out. You know, kind of like you tell yourself you’ll only eat one cookie a day instead of the whole bag the minute you get home. 🙂
Jayne, ever since the 2000 election, Florida’s been a state that confounds. Alas, I don’t see any improvement for the foreseeable future. Sigh.
After you finish House of Cards, check out Bloodline. You won’t be sorry.
“Dear Driver, turn yourself in,” should be a bumper sticker. Yay! I love your letters here. I just received on from my uncle who had read my book and had a few thoughts — all lovely. But his wording made me smile. I love him!
Too many drivers get into accidents and then make things worse by leaving the scene. Don’t they realize that even if they escape the law, they still have to live with themselves and the knowledge of what they did? Thanks for the idea. I’ll start working on making that bumper sticker.
Love your supportive uncle. We all could use a supportive uncle in our lives. My family won’t read anything I write, not even if I hold a gun to their heads, lol. So give yours a hug, on behalf of all writers everywhere. 🙂
He says the things I imagine my father would say, complete with the humorous interludes, which I love!
The art of letter writing never grows old. I have plans to write an entire book of them to one person, actually. None to Father Time though … I’m afraid I just have no time for that.
I’m with you on Netflix which is why I quickly stopped after watching the 3rd episode of Downton Abbey. I realized I would not be able to continue with the investment of time. I feel like I barely have time for blogging after I make time for everything else that I HAVE to do.
I always chuckle when I read your posts, or smile, or feel lighter or inspired somehow. Thank you.
SummerE, I’m with you. There’s not enough time to read all the books I want to read, watch all the shows I want to watch and still have time to blog. Sheesh. It’s aggravating! I really think if we had 36 hours in a day instead of 24, then that–
Oh, what am I saying. It still wouldn’t be enough! 🙂
Another post after my own heart, Monica. I write letters to everyone. I would write to my mum everyday if I could. My dearest friend in Australia and I write twice a month, it is as if we’re right there with each other. We send photos and postcards too.
Poor Henry, he is so regal and brave about his new adornment. I do hope he feels better soon. Well, as for little Oliver, I would keep him company if I could.
I’m not pleased with Father Time or Netflix these days, although I started two series simultaneously – Monarch of the Glenn and Rosemary and Thyme. I began watching Paradise Season 2, how i love it. The previous shows are older but they are so soothing. I’m just about to get into Bloodlines. Did you catch Scandal this week?
Hmm, I’m all for the moon taking over. I can’t even take a nap anymore .
I do hope that driver alerts himself to doing the right thing soon. It bothers me so that he drove away after hurting a child.
And no more shaking hands for me. I was sick in January – I didn’t shake any hands but I think it might make things worse if I do. Hand Sanitizer and I are attached at the hip.
Thanks, MM. Don’t think I’ve ever told you, but I always love your long, thoughtful and positive responses to my posts. I find these nuggets of writing to be uplifting. Re Paradise and Mr. Selfridge: I watch them both and love them but because they’re both set in a store, I often find myself getting confused as to storylines. My brain mashes them all together. And yet that doesn’t stop me from watching. 🙂
So lovely Monica. Right back at you. I often smile or giggle or just reflect on something you’ve said and feel happy.
A new show will begin on Masterpiece in June. I’m starting the book so I know the story better. Poldark. Everyone’s talking about it.
Have you seen any snippets?
Dear Monica — Putting aside the delightfully tongue in cheek spirit in which you write, I think you would take pleasure in ‘Griffin and Sabine: An Extraordinary Correspondence’ (assuming it escaped you over the years). http://www.amazon.com/dp/0877017883/ref=rdr_ext_tmb
I’ve heard of that book, but haven’t read it. Thanks for the tip. Will have to look into it!
I love this one! I don’t write as many letters as I use to, though I do still write them. I use to be the family archivist, writing a quarterly letter to the family of the goings on throughout the large extended family, capturing the strange and stranger. I had fun with it and it was a way to keep us connected.
Poor Henry, poor Oliver.
The family archivist? What a great job to have, Val, especially for someone who enjoys writing. Hope you have a chance to pick it up again, as every family could use one. Writing letters might not be an instant form of communication, but it’s still a beautiful way to share. I write letters from time to time, but think I’m going to make a concerted effort to do it more often.
Monica,
I love writing letters w/ stickers and heart and lips.
Also, you are completely GROOVY!! zzz
You are such a creative mama, filling your letters with stickers and hearts. A treasure for anyone who gets one from you. Sigh. 🙂
Yep, I still write letters — and I love it! Not as many as in the past, not typically even handwritten, but still, it’s the idea that counts, right? Poor Henry. The Cone of Shame is not a pretty picture. Accidents fall into every life, so don’t beat yourself up too hard over this one. Sad about the boy who got hit in a school zone — gee, you’d think they’d have cameras or police officers watching when school begins and ends.
Henry is on eye drop medication and I hope it helps. It’s only been a couple of days but he looks the same or thereabouts. And of course that conehead doesn’t make things much better. I’d hate to have to wear it myself. Imagine if doctors prescribed humans wearing it. Yikes!
I love your post. I do still write letters but yours are so much more entertaining! I can totally identify with your Netflix one. I finished Bloodlines this week—–I LOVED it!!! I could not stop watching it.
Beth Ann, Bloodline was mesmerizing. Is there nothing that family won’t do to protect itself? I loved the cliffhanger ending. Can’t wait for next season! Thanks for stopping by and adding your two cents. Much appreciated!
Poor Henry.
Writing letters is a lost art, we just send each other small emails these days.
We are I am pleased to say a netflix free house.
Not having Netflix means missing out on some quality shows. I’m thankful I have access to it, that’s all. Bloodline was fabulous.
I don’t have anything against the concept, I just don’t watch enough films for it to be worthwhile.
Something has to grab me in a trailer for example to watch the whole thing.
Series are generally out because I forget when the next part is on. I am a great user of the BBC watch again facility for the odd factual programme though I must admit.
I don’t watch movies on Netflix. I watch tv shows. You don’t have to worry about missing it or when it’s on, because it’s always there, on your watch list, waiting for you for when you have a moment. With my iPad, the next episode is just an app away!