Water, Shmater: Let Them Drink Vodka!


No water was wasted or harmed in the swiping of this photo off the internet. You didn't expect me to use up water just to take such a photo. What, are you nuts??

No water was wasted or harmed in the swiping of this photo off the internet. I mean, you didn’t expect me to use up water just to take such a photo. What, are you nuts?? (Photo, courtesy of Flickr)


You’ve got to admit, there’s a certain irony in knowing California is in its worst water drought ever, and yet here we are, living smack next to an ocean filled with–guess what? Water.

Okay, so it’s salty water, and nobody likes salt in their water unless they’ve got a sore throat and are gargling with it. Not even then. The stuff makes me gag. But I digress.

Nevertheless, the drought is real. After all, the amount of rain we’ve gotten this past year, sadly, could barely fill a thimble.

The statistics are too depressing to even think about. According to the experts, we have one year of water left. One year! Talk about dire straits.

The good news is we Californians have already cut back 20 percent of our water use in the last seven or so years. The bad news is we need to cut an additional, whopping 25 percent in the coming year. The sooner, the better, if you know what I mean. Effective yesterday. Which is why, I’m doing my part. I’m the answer to your prayers, yes, siree. Me and my bright ideas, and I’m just full of them, for I’ve come up with what I believe is a sure-fire way to reduce water usage in no time. You’re welcome!

  1. Forget the washing machine. From now on kill two birds with one stone by doing your laundry inside the car. Lay your dirty clothes on the car seats and take your car to the car wash, where they are known to recycle their water. Leave windows open and soon your car, as well as your clothes will be freshly cleaned, inside and out.
  2. Take a shower once a week. And if you happen to feel a bit grungy in between showering, give yourself a sponge bath–with a dry sponge, that is.
  3. Need to shampoo your hair? Consider sitting in your car while it’s going through the car wash. Helpful hint: wear dirty clothes so they’ll be cleaned, too!
  4. Use club soda for boiling rice instead of water.
  5. If you buy tuna packed in water, when company comes for dinner, serve them a tuna sandwich with a glass of water obtained from you-know-where. Squeeze a little lemon in the bound-to-be, fishy-tasting water to help dilute the taste. 😉
  6. Participating in a wet tee-shirt contest? Pour liquid laundry detergent over your tee. It’ll have the same effect, more or less. (Though at your age, why you’re taking part in a wet tee-shirt contest, I’ll never know!)
  7. Pull out any grass left in your yard. Grass is a water hog. Grow dirt instead, which hardly needs any water at all!
  8. When washing your hands, consider dipping them into the fish tank for a quick cleanse, rather than running the faucet. The little goldfish will pucker up and kiss your hands clean, trust me. Plus, it’s less wasteful!
  9. Stop worrying about washing the dishes after supper. Instead, use them several times and then wash them. In between washings, wipe away the crumbs and gravy residue with a dry paper towel. It’s that easy!
  10. Drain your swimming pool and turn it into an obstacle course for a new kind of backyard fun. Alternatively, turn it into a guest bedroom for when Aunt Blanche and Uncle Dudley come for a rather long stay.
  11. And speaking of out-of-state visitors–and I mean the East Coast kind who have never had to live through a drought–be sure to outline for them the house rules, in advance of their arrival. They are: No showers while visiting and they must bring their own bottled water supply for everything else. No exceptions!
  12. Finally, slowly wean your kids off of drinking water and get them hooked on politely asking, “More vodka, please. Straight up!”  They should never ask for ice. That will make all of the above water-saving tips, futile.

That’s it for now. If you’ve been a water glutton all this time, take heed. I’m putting you on notice. But if you want to stay on my good side, I suggest you start following my new-fangled tips.

Everyone of them.

All this writing this has sure made me thirsty. Anyone got a can of tuna water or a shot glass for vodka I can borrow?

21 thoughts on “Water, Shmater: Let Them Drink Vodka!

  1. We have plenty of water here. In fact, the local news suggested we stop farming and just sell water to California. We’d probably make more money!! You can send laundry if push comes to shove.

  2. Haha!! Not the tuna water, Monica! I’ll visit you after the drought! (Made me think of The Color Purple and that special water Miss Celie served Mister’s father) 🙂

  3. I’m way ahead of you on the laundry. My clothes are now categorized as thus: Dirty and dirty but wearable. Love the vodka idea. Wonder how it would be as a substitute for water in coffee? 🙂

    • You should try the vodka in your coffee and let me know how it works out. And if not vodka, you might as well go through all the other spirits. If nothing else, it’ll help you forget about the water drought. Ha ha!

  4. Great suggestions. But I understand no relief expected. Could much of the California economy collapse. I have read that food grown there will continue to lessen effecting costs entire country. More produce imported equals higher prices.

    • If the economy falters here, the ripple effect will be felt across the country, not just in the price of produce. Right now everything’s on the table. I’ve even heard talk of suspending all new construction because it requires so much water. It could mean possible job loss.

  5. Our warm spring has me panicked about this summer. You’re so right that we need to step up our conservation efforts. I’ve got a long list of water saving home improvements that I’m checking off one by one. Now I’m going to add your laundry suggestions to my list. 😉

    • You gave me a chuckle, imagining you going through the drive-through with all your clothes in the backseat. lol. We can laugh but you and I know this is no laughing matter. There was a guy on the local news this evening saying he doesn’t like government telling him what to do. He likes watering his grass and doesn’t want to stop. Well good for him. We can all die of thirst but at least his lawn will be green.

  6. Oh I was in fits of laughter Monica. I had my reply ready, but the device had other ideas… I will have the vodka, neat of course, although when I run, it might pose a problem. I might also have to take my clothes to the car wash, there’s too many loads of laundry in my house. With the way things are going, we will run out very quickly. I hope the rain gods hear me. In all seriousness, we are in dire straights. I’ve heard the waterfalls in Yosemite have dried up, we here in Norcal get much of our supply from there. No snow in Tahoe either, I’m directly affected by that one. And now they’re building tanks, asking other states to send water. I had a feeling we would have to tap into those options. They are also going to fine people who consume too much water, once they begin rationing it out – I’m moving to England. There’s plenty of rain there.

    • MM, I think my post was timely, especially after today’s announcement by Gov. Brown. I must admit, I’m a bit frightened about this new reality and what exactly it’s going to mean for us. It’s rather depressing. We all have to make a concerted effort. The problem is making sure everyone’s on board and I think there are enough folk in denial about it. Yikes.

  7. Lucky I live in Canada! But you’re right – water is a finite resource and we should never take it for granted, but cherish and preserve it.

    • It irks me when I see people running the water in their kitchen or bathroom, while they’re not using it. What a waste! But I confess that before I lived here in California, I didn’t realize what a precious commodity water is–and we need it to survive!

  8. Oh, Monica, in a perfect world there’d be a way of harnessing the excess water and sharing it with the drought areas. Sadly, we don’t live in a perfect world. I sympathize with your dilemma, though thankfully, we here in the Midwest don’t have to restrict ourselves. Sure, in the heat of summer when rain is scarce, we might be told not to water our lawns or wash our cars, but that’s a small sacrifice — especially when I think of you having to drink tuna-water!!

    • I know what you mean, Debbie. Whenever I hear of massive rains or snow in other parts of the country, I wonder why we can’t benefit in some way from that. When I first moved here over 20 years ago, we would get more rain, and more cloudy days than we do now. I remember how even in summer months, the weather in the summer was on the cooler side. Those of us who live along the coast didn’t need air conditioning because we’d get the ocean breezes. But for the past 6 or 7 summers it’s become stifling hot. I’ve since had to get air conditioning in order to make it through the summer. This year, summer started early. In March. Our temperatures have been 10 – 20 degrees above normal for this time of year. That worries me a lot.

      In fact, it was just announced on the news that March is the warmest March on record since 1874! Wow. Too much heat, not enough moisture.

  9. Yes well…..

    I love this post, it actually made me laugh out loud.

    But of course a water shortage is a serious problem. We had a shortage last year, though nothing as bad as yours is and they were forecasting it would take 5 years to get back to normal. Here we are now and it’s been lashing down all night and there is no water shortage.

    I have been reading articles on your problems over there and something drastic need to be done that’s for sure, with twelve months of water left let’s just hope the discussions about solving the problem don’t take thirteen months!!!

    • Yeah, the problem is pretty bad. Maybe this is the end of days for California. Seriously, I don’t know how we’re going to get through this. I think too many people here are ignoring the problem, too.

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