Dear Time Warner Cable:
Give me back my email!
It’s been 10 days with no ability to receive or send email whatsoever. And all you have to say about the matter is that you’re having “issues.”
Well I have issues ALL THE TIME, but do you see me holding your emails hostage? I think not!
Not only have you absconded with my email, your fees keep going up while your service keeps heading south. And yet I’m stuck with you.
I could switch to satellite but I live in a condo and for some reason the Homeowners’ Association doesn’t look kindly upon me putting a satellite dish on top of the building.
Or, I could get AT&T U-verse installed but, wouldn’t you know it? It’s not available to me! And sure, the folks that live on either side of me can get it, but I must have b.o. or something because AT&T won’t step one iota into my place to install it. Ha!
What am I, chopped liver?
I can’t even switch to the only other cable company in town because to do so would mean HAVING TO MOVE!! Which I don’t want to do.
But I digress.
I’ve come to realize that like all cable companies, you are a spineless,
evil monopoly that wants to suck every last penny from your customers and in return you give us–
Which is why, I’m mad at you!
My hostility toward you started last year when I called to cancel Showtime, in what was a desperate attempt to save money. Frankly, $175 a month for cable seemed kind of high, like you’d have to be high to be willing to pay that much.
So what did you do to help me? You unbundled all my other services—including my email—which I had no idea were bundled in the first place and then you started charging me $400 per month, instead of $175.
Let me reiterate that. $400 a month!! Are you kidding me?
I mean, you call that saving money? I call that being out of touch with your customers. I ended up having to fight you tooth and nail to get out of that little snafu. I’m so mad!
Apropos of nothing, whatever happened to the old adage, the customer is always right?
Now this latest debacle.
I tweet you every day to ask, “Is the email issue fixed?” and you groan about your issues. Well, I think I should send you Henry, my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I bet he can fix your “issues,” once and for all, faster than all your technicians. I mean, ten days and no service. Are you having to rebuild the entire internet??
And don’t get me started on net neutrality. When I heard John Oliver, my favorite British comic, explain net neutrality, I just about lost it. Sure, I got a good laugh about the whole thing, but then I was livid. So angry that I had to submit a comment of my own to the FCC. In fact, thanks to John Oliver, the FCC is getting inundated with comments from Americans who are infuriated by how all the cable companies are trying to create a two-tier system so that you can charge us more for faster speed rate.
How dare you try to “un-level” the playing field! Don’t you even think about tinkering with my Netflix and Hulu! For crying out loud, can you stop looking for ways to gauge the consumer?
I’ve had it with you. One of these days…ONE OF THESE DAYS…I swear I will cancel my service! In fact the only thing stopping me from doing so is my love for TV and for the internet. But other than that…I’m so peeved, I could…I could SCREAM my bloody head off!
Sorry about that last outburst. I need a moment to compose myself.
There. I think I feel a little better, now that I’ve gotten this off my chest.
So Time Warner, in conclusion, let’s be rational, shall we? What do you say you give me my email service back and we’ll call it even? I’ll keep paying you as much as you want, I swear. Just give me back my email and let me keep my net neutrality, and I promise I will never complain again.
We’re good, right?
Update: Since writing this letter, in a moment of unequivocal frustration bordering on sheer madness, the cable company has resolved the issue. Good for them. Only took them 11 days. Imagine that.
So readers, how about you? Any frustrations with the cable companies? Do tell!
And if you’re not familiar with net neutrality, watch John Oliver explain it in the clip below. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and I guarantee, you’ll be infuriated, too. So, enjoy!