My pal Brian said that because of all the hostile, freezing weather we’ve had this winter in certain parts of the country, we’re in for one hell of an allergy season this year. Boy is he right! Here in San Diego, we didn’t even have that “when hell freezes over weather” that they had in the rest of the country. In fact, it was probably one of the mildest winters on record, with scant to no rain.
Yet I’m feeling the allergies coming on like nobody’s business. In fact it’s so bad I’m awake at 2 in the morning having already used up one box of Kleenex, rubbed two jars of Mentholatum ointment on my nose, and downed enough Benadryl to make me drowsy for a month. All to no avail.
Allergies can be ruthless and when they come on, it’s no laughing matter. So I reckon Brian is right. A real know-it-all that Williams kid is. It’s not for nothing that he has his own nightly news show on NBC. One could say he’s the only anchor I tether my anchor to.
But seriously, not since I lived on the east coast have I had it this bad, and it’s a good thing you didn’t know me then. When I lived in Boston and then near Baltimore, I’d get an attack of allergies so bad it was downright debilitating. Like I couldn’t get out of bed because I just couldn’t function, and there weren’t enough tissues in the world to satisfy this nose of mine. That’s how bad it was. Which meant I’d have to hunker down in the face of abject misery, staying indoors and praying every night for the end of summer and subsequently, relief.
In fact, if I’d own stock in Kleenex I would’ve gotten rich based solely on my own usage of the product.
A runny nose, eyes so teary they stung, and the unrelenting heat and humidity that burrowed itself into my pores, left me downright irritable.
Make that irritable with a capital “I.”
Sometimes it was so bad I wanted to shoot my nose off and rip my eyes out of their sockets. My nose so filled with snot, I felt like I was drowning in it, and I was having the kind of incessant sneezing that causes so much pain in your chest you can’t cough or even laugh because it feels like you’re gonna split open if you do. Not that you’d want to laugh, mind you. Cause like I said, allergies are no laughing matter.
Turns out, I’m allergic to summer–grass, trees, pollen and basically the outdoors. Don’t invite me on any picnics. Forget romping through the tall grass and picking dandelions. All these things are to me like Kryptonite is to Superman.
Of course I blame my mother. As a kid, I didn’t know the ways of the world. No one ever told me allergies existed, and every spring she would insist I tend the garden with her. I hated gardening but I didn’t realize why. I assumed everyone would have sneezing and coughing fits when gardening. My mother would watch me and not say a word. Maybe she figured I’d eventually build up an immunity. Fat chance.
So there I was, digging up dirt and planting tulip bulbs, pulling weeds and, as I did, little did I know I was inhaling all this stuff that was killing me. I was swallowing my very own Kryptonite, hand over fist, and all the while I was in agony. But I kept at it because that’s what I was told to do. My brothers didn’t have allergies yet they didn’t have to garden. It was girls’ work, which made it mine by default. Suffer the fools, that’s what.
One of the reasons I live in San Diego is because allergies don’t bother me as much here. But lately when I do get a bad allergy day in San Diego, I worry. With climate change, am I going to start having more crippling allergy attacks?
Oh and before anyone tells me I should be tested, or I should take this pill or that one, or sign up for injections, believe me, I’ve tried it all. It’s no good. I have an allergy that is immune to all that. I carry a virus or bacteria or what have you that, if it left me, would wipe out the world. So don’t even think about it.
Well, you know what they say. Misery loves company. So how about it? Anyone else have allergies and is willing to commiserate?