A Personal Assistant for the Holidays

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This is the time of year I really wish I had a personal assistant. The kind who can do my holiday shopping for me, because, let’s face it, when I do it myself I inevitably end up buying two items for myself, with every gift I get for someone else. Think how much money I’d save if I had an assistant who would forgo my crazy impulse-buying habits and actually stick to the shopping list!IMG_2434

If I had a personal assistant, she’d wrap all my gifts with elaborate, fancy bows, something I’ve been too lazy to ever do myself. She could take care of mailing all my holiday cards, and include a year-in-review letter from me, something I’ve never taken the trouble to write myself. She’d also bake cookies for the office cookie exchange, decorate my house, and watch all the holiday film classics that I’ve enjoyed watching every year but don’t have the time to do anymore.

I need an assistant who can sort through my holiday party invites and tell me which ones to attend. Frankly, I must’ve hit the jackpot because I got quite a few invites this year. So, maybe my personal assistant can figure out who the heck Kate and William are and why they’ve invited me to their annual holiday regalia–the one where they’re bringing back the tradition of a martini tasting (sounds yummy!) and absolutely no children will be allowed.

Now, before you get your panties (btw, don’t you just hate that word? I know I do.) into a twist, settle down. I know what you’re thinking, but this invitation wasn’t from THE Kate and Wills who live across the pond. This couple lives locally and I can’t for the life of me remember ever meeting them!

But a quick Google search reveals that they are not the kind to slum with riff-raff like me. Kate is a gorgeously tall, young woman with a full head of auburn hair, a law degree from some prestigious school, and currently works for a high-powered law firm. Wills is a dashing, debonair chap who speaks several languages, including Persian, and seemingly dotes on Kate. Or so it seems, based on the photo of the two of them I found on Facebook.

IMG_2444In other words, these two are way out of my league. Would hate to show up at their festivities and then have to face their strained smiles as they awkwardly apologize for the mistake in inviting me as they kick me to the curb. So I’m hoping my personal assistant can sort that all out before it becomes ugly.

And as long as my personal assistant is on the job, she might as well walk Henry and Oliver Twist while I’m at work, and give them a long overdue–much-needed–bath. She could do my laundry, which has been sitting in the hamper for weeks, and the ironing, too. And when I come home from the office, she could have dinner ready, along with a tall glass of my favorite Elderflower drink, the Hugo.

If she runs out of things to do, she can grab a book from the stack by my bedside and help me catch up on my reading.  She could also scour the Amazon website and alert me to any lightning deal specials that I should know about. And maybe she could search my house, high and low, and finally find the elusive bike pump that’s been missing since the day I first bought it.

If it wouldn’t be too much to ask, maybe my new personal assistant could make me a mug of hot cocoa, replete with mini-marshmallows, and turn on the gas fireplace for that “roaring fire” feeling. She could fetch me a throw and tuck it around me to keep me warm, while the temps outside dip below 50 (FahrenheitIMG_2462, that is). Trust me, for those of us who live in Southern California, that’s cold!

She could also–oh bother!

Might as well give up. Somehow, I have a feeling I’m never going to be able to hire myself a personal assistant who can do all these things. Though it would be divine, I’d probably need two armor trucks filled with gold to afford one of this caliber for just a day.

Hmm….But bearing that in mind, I wonder if Henry and Oliver would be up for the task instead? Sure, I’d have to make some adjustments, and lower my expectations, perhaps, but it’s worth a try, wouldn’t you agree? All I have to do is ask, and I’m sure they’ll oblige me. After all, what else do they do all day but sleep?

 

So how about you? What would you have your personal assistant do for you?

34 thoughts on “A Personal Assistant for the Holidays”

  1. At my age I need a personal assistant just to get out of bed and start the morning. Actually I should have hired a personal assistant many years ago. Their salary would have been worth it just to keep track of my wallet, my keys and my glasses. Oh yeah, and the remote too. Happy New Year.

    • Carl, that’s as good as any reason for getting a personal assistant, but you might be able to train a dog or cat to keep track of your things for you. Might be cheaper, I’m just saying.

  2. I love your puppy sweaters. So cute! And I want an assistant too; one who decorates, bakes, shops, wraps, addresses cards, sorts the mail, does the laundry. Oh wait, that would be a wife. No wonder married men live longer. Their wives are doing all the work. Yikes! Merry Christmas Monica. Enjoy those parties.

  3. Such adorable little faces! Actually, I’d love someone who would blanket and feed the horses, and muck the stalls. Then do my laundry, clean the house and gas up the car. Pretty boring stuff, but boy would it help. Merry Christmas, Monica. And you’re nobody’s “riff-raff.” 🙂

  4. I have missed you Monica. Where have you been MM, you ask? Er, wishing I had a personal assistant to plan out a trip to Costa Rica with my in- laws, buy teacher gifts, family gifts, make cookies for staff, throw a Christmas dinner early because we’re traveling for Christmas, volunteer and write.
    Sadly, no more writing, no books read – what??? I have not begun a new book – tis shocking, I’m always reading. I’m still working on my review for the third Bridget Jones book – it’s been a month. Oh, oh, my assistant would also take my girls to their activities, make gluten free dinners every night, make pasta lunches for school, supervise home work, then lay my warm, and cosy pajamas out for me to wear ( wish I had Anna dress me – what a pity I don’t have my own Downton staff)
    I might have to enlist the girls, um, well, I do, but they’re not as efficient, plus they want snacks every five mins, play with dolls and take breaks.
    Happy Holidays my friend, may you have a wonderful & peaceful time with your gorgeous family.

    • Wow, MM! Clearly, You need a personal assistant more than I do. Should I send Henry and Oliver straight up to you? Surely they can help with dinner (eating it), packing for your trip (providing all you plan to bring are dog chew toys). They’d love to lend a hand, er, paw. Just say the word!

      Re book, may I recommend The Quiet Dell? Based on a true murder/serial killer who preyed on widows, it’s set in the 30s, and absolutely fascinating. Look it up.

      Happy Holidays to you, my friend!

    • Yep. We’re still negotiating though. They’re holding out for extra treats each day. I may need to get an attorney. They’re also asking for clarification on “minimum wage.” Oh, bother.

  6. I love to Christmas shop. Rather, I love determining the perfect gift for each of those on my list. What I hate is the drive, the searching for a reclusive parking spot, dealing with the overworked, underpaid retail sales employees, not finding what was supposed to be “In-Stock Now!”, and lugging around all the perfect gifts as I continue on my trek. I need to give my perfect personal assistant my perfectly prepared list and have him or her do all the legwork. But I love wrapping. My perfect personal assistant has to leave that to me 🙂
    Merry Christmas, Monica!

  7. Oh, where to start, Monica. So much to do, so little time. It’s always a juggling act, but the important thing is to know when to slow down and just enjoy. Happy holidays to all!

  8. Oh, Monica, I am sooooo with you on this one! Sadly, all the diamonds in South Africa (or wherever they’re mined these days) wouldn’t pay for a personal assistant (who’s basically a SLAVE!). I mean, who’d be willing to work 24/7 for *anybody*??
    Certainly not my Sheltie. He loves his naps too much! And I’ll bet Sir Henry and Oliver do, too.
    But I would truly love having a personal assistant to do all the things I have to do on a daily basis, leaving me much free time to WRITE!!

    • You’re so right. I keep telling Henry, “You’re sleeping your life away! Get off the couch and get a job!” But does he listen? I even offered to give him an extra scoop of dry food every other day. But no! That’s not enough. He wants the moon, too! Sigh.

    • Becky, I’m impressed, too. With so much going on, it’s a wonder I remember to walk the dogs every morning. Think how much time I could save by not doing that. Hmm…I wonder if they’d mind…

  11. I would hire a personal assistant to do my holiday shopping. I can’t stand the parking nightmares. Lucky for me, I can buy most gifts early or on the internet.

    Can’t wait to hear about Kate and Will’s fabulous party… you must go!

  13. The whole time I was reading this I was waiting for you to think to enlist Oliver. However he’s clearly already employed by Henry. By the way, I suspect the Kate and Wills invite may have been for Henry given the description the event seems more his style than yours. (I’ve gotten to the point where I only buy the “pile-o-presents” somewhere where they’ll gift wrap them. There may not be ribbons, but it’s one less thing on my list to do!

    • You know, Lisa, I think you’re right. Confound it. No wonder Henry’s been giving me dirty looks every time I mention that soiree. He knew it was for him all along. No doubt the chance he’s been waiting for, to find someone willing to take him back to his alleged homeland. It all makes sense! Well, we’ll see who gets the last laugh! 😉

  14. “Wouldn’t it just be loverly?” to quote another fair lady. I agree with Gina, you are not riff raff and one of the fairest, wittiest, and positive people I know on this side of the pond’s blogland. Go to the ball…or the party…or martini tasting…and know that this “profesora” Higgins knows you will dazzle.

    • Aw, shucks, Georgette. Don’t you know? They don’t make them any more riff-raffier than me! I broke the mold! Btw, “My Fair Lady” is one of my all-time favorite musicals. Every song is exceptional, and Audrey never looked lovelier than she did in that film.

  15. LOVE this, Monica! I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with too much to do and too little time. Looks to me like you have your assistants ready and waiting. Get those boys up off the couch and put them to work! Lucy “helps” me all the time–or so she thinks.

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

    • Will do, Kathy! Though Henry says he won’t lift one paw until they have uniforms. Sheesh. He says he wants to have matching butler and footman uniforms. Guess which one Henry plans to be? Me thinks they’ve been watching too much “Downton Abbey!”

  16. You don’t ask much of your personal assistant, do you? LOL… I love the photos of Oliver and Henry, what an adorable duo they are! I have a feeling your Kate and Will will be very let down if you don’t show up at their door. I doubt very much that they’ve made a mistake. People in situations like they are do NOT make frivolous mistakes (unless their PA did all the invites and made the mistake without their knowledge?) So, please do yourself a favour and show up and look spectacular for the occasion. There is no such thing as riff-raff. Everyone, no matter what station in life they hold, is worthy of acknowledgement and respect.

    I insist that you go to the party!!!

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