This is the time of year I really wish I had a personal assistant. The kind who can do my holiday shopping for me, because, let’s face it, when I do it myself I inevitably end up buying two items for myself, with every gift I get for someone else. Think how much money I’d save if I had an assistant who would forgo my crazy impulse-buying habits and actually stick to the shopping list!
If I had a personal assistant, she’d wrap all my gifts with elaborate, fancy bows, something I’ve been too lazy to ever do myself. She could take care of mailing all my holiday cards, and include a year-in-review letter from me, something I’ve never taken the trouble to write myself. She’d also bake cookies for the office cookie exchange, decorate my house, and watch all the holiday film classics that I’ve enjoyed watching every year but don’t have the time to do anymore.
I need an assistant who can sort through my holiday party invites and tell me which ones to attend. Frankly, I must’ve hit the jackpot because I got quite a few invites this year. So, maybe my personal assistant can figure out who the heck Kate and William are and why they’ve invited me to their annual holiday regalia–the one where they’re bringing back the tradition of a martini tasting (sounds yummy!) and absolutely no children will be allowed.
Now, before you get your panties (btw, don’t you just hate that word? I know I do.) into a twist, settle down. I know what you’re thinking, but this invitation wasn’t from THE Kate and Wills who live across the pond. This couple lives locally and I can’t for the life of me remember ever meeting them!
But a quick Google search reveals that they are not the kind to slum with riff-raff like me. Kate is a gorgeously tall, young woman with a full head of auburn hair, a law degree from some prestigious school, and currently works for a high-powered law firm. Wills is a dashing, debonair chap who speaks several languages, including Persian, and seemingly dotes on Kate. Or so it seems, based on the photo of the two of them I found on Facebook.
In other words, these two are way out of my league. Would hate to show up at their festivities and then have to face their strained smiles as they awkwardly apologize for the mistake in inviting me as they kick me to the curb. So I’m hoping my personal assistant can sort that all out before it becomes ugly.
And as long as my personal assistant is on the job, she might as well walk Henry and Oliver Twist while I’m at work, and give them a long overdue–much-needed–bath. She could do my laundry, which has been sitting in the hamper for weeks, and the ironing, too. And when I come home from the office, she could have dinner ready, along with a tall glass of my favorite Elderflower drink, the Hugo.
If she runs out of things to do, she can grab a book from the stack by my bedside and help me catch up on my reading. She could also scour the Amazon website and alert me to any lightning deal specials that I should know about. And maybe she could search my house, high and low, and finally find the elusive bike pump that’s been missing since the day I first bought it.
If it wouldn’t be too much to ask, maybe my new personal assistant could make me a mug of hot cocoa, replete with mini-marshmallows, and turn on the gas fireplace for that “roaring fire” feeling. She could fetch me a throw and tuck it around me to keep me warm, while the temps outside dip below 50 (Fahrenheit, that is). Trust me, for those of us who live in Southern California, that’s cold!
She could also–oh bother!
Might as well give up. Somehow, I have a feeling I’m never going to be able to hire myself a personal assistant who can do all these things. Though it would be divine, I’d probably need two armor trucks filled with gold to afford one of this caliber for just a day.
Hmm….But bearing that in mind, I wonder if Henry and Oliver would be up for the task instead? Sure, I’d have to make some adjustments, and lower my expectations, perhaps, but it’s worth a try, wouldn’t you agree? All I have to do is ask, and I’m sure they’ll oblige me. After all, what else do they do all day but sleep?
So how about you? What would you have your personal assistant do for you?