Second Saturday (aka, Divorce 101)

The funny thing about divorce is that it’s not something you learn how to deal with in advance. Sure, my high school taught me all about Home Economics–how to bake cookies, set a table, and sew a stitch. We had Driver’s Ed classes, too. But, I don’t recall any classes on the in’s and out’s of untying the knot. No siree, Bob!

Candace Bahr and Ginita Wall. Photo credit: Jim Spadoni.

And, if such a class had existed, who among us would have signed up for it? After all, don’t we all want to believe that when we marry, it’s for good? Happily ever after, till death do us part, and all that.

Had there been such a class, I might have been ready when my marriage hit the skids. Maybe I wouldn’t have been free falling, and feeling like it was the end of the world.

And, it wasn’t. More like the end of a dream. The dream of a house with the proverbial white picket fence, a dad and mom with kids, a tail-wagging dog and perhaps, a fluffy cat in the yard.

Instead, my reality was a husband with cheating ways, a house with a crab-grass lawn and ants wreaking havoc in the kitchen, and one over-flowing toilet. Plus, we didn’t have a dog—royal or otherwise—but we did have a cat that loved peeing on everything. The only part I seemed to have gotten right were the kids, and I don’t know what I would have done without them.

Ah, divorce. Suffice it to say, I was miserable during that time. And, I was flailing. But then, I learned of a workshop, called:

Second Saturday Divorce Workshops

I signed up and, I will tell you, taking that workshop was the beginning for me. It gave me an inkling of hope, something I hadn’t felt in a long time, and made me realize I wasn’t alone, as I sat in the classroom surrounded by women facing the demise of their marriages–and their dreams. It was like discovering there was a manual all along, on how to get started, figure out finances, family law and also, on how to get through the emotional roller coaster that comes with divorce.

They say knowledge is power, and I certainly felt empowered after taking the class. I even found a therapist through the Second Saturday workshop, one who offered a group therapy that focused on connecting with your emotions through–

WRITING!!

Talk about tailor made for me! I loved, loved, LOVED my therapy and looked forward to each session. Today, I thank my lucky stars that I enrolled in Second Saturday, a workshop that, to be honest, I haven’t thought about in years. Not until I sat down to interview two financial experts, and soon discovered that they are the brains behind Second Saturday, which is now available in over 40 states!

Candace Bahr and Ginita Wall have dedicated themselves to helping women with their finances, through their nonprofit website, WIFE.org (Women’s Institute for Financial Education). Not only are they responsible for creating the divorce workshops, their website is a must for any woman.

WIFE.org offers countless tips and free resources, such as:

  1. The 21-Day Makeover, where you can sign up to receive daily tips for three weeks, that will help you get on track for being debt-free and saving; and
  2. A Money Club, in which you and your friends can get together and help each other improve your finances. The tools to get started are all there—and it’s free!

In honor of March being Women’s History Month, be sure to check out my interview with Wall and Bahr. I think you’ll agree, their motto is a sound one:

A Man is Not a Financial Plan

Walk for Animals Update: In other news, you’ve been so generous in making contributions for the upcoming San Diego Humane Society’s Walk for Animals and, because of this, I’ve decided to hand out two awards, not just one.

So, congratulations to Valentine Logar and Susan McBeth!

You will each receive a Kindle copy of Little Boy Blue by Kim Kavin. Please contact me at monicastangledweb@gmail.com and let me know the email address you would like me to use in order to gift you the Kindle book.

And, to all who have contributed to the Walk for Animals, Henry and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

28 thoughts on “Second Saturday (aka, Divorce 101)

  1. As I read through this post I was reminded of something Julia Cameron said in her book.. we (the person or writer) needs a witness to our own life. The art and act of writing allows us to witness our lives, our hurts, our emotions, our gunk, through the writing. I can only imagine how 1) the workshop unleashed the power you already had but didn’t know about, and 2) how through the writing you had a witness… a place to write down the bones, a place to dump the gunk. I hope you remember to reward yourself regularly for coming out the other end of the divorce on top and a stronger you. You’re beautiful and talented woman, Monica.

    • Thank you, Brenda. I consider myself lucky and blessed. For I came out the stronger for it, and I have two amazing children, who are now grown, and I love just as much now as I did when they were young and adorable. Now, they’re great company and fun to be around.
      I hope you’ll check out the WIFE.org site. So much great information and most of it has nothing to do with divorce. It’s for any woman who wants to know about finances.

  2. Love that slogan, A Man is Not a Financial Plan. What a wonderful thing those women are doing! Who among us wouldn’t have loved finding a road-map when our world was crashing in around us?

    • The thing about that slogan is how many of us, at point in our lives (usually early on) believe it! Especially our generation, who thought getting married would solve a lot of things. Yikes. I know I thought that!

  3. Doing that interview must have felt like coming home. And the way you reflect on the woman you were and the woman you became speaks volumes about becoming empowered in more ways than one.

    • Deborah, it was really nice. Rarely do you meet someone and discover that something they did or created helped you immensely. I think they felt good too, knowing they’d already made a difference in my life, even before we met.

  4. How wonderfully empowering for women, Monica. I always want to be financially savvy and pass it on to my children as well. What a great way to fine tune your finances. There’s so much credit card debt amongst the younger generation, it is a great resource for all. I love that they are offering workshops for men. Well done my friend on the interview, am going to check it out.

    • Oh, MM, you’ll love the site. Plus, it’s never too early to teach your children a little about saving money. Thank you so much for taking time to read my interview, too. I so appreciate it!

  5. HI Monica, So glad you found a great resource to help you with your divorce. I will make sure to pass it along to anyone who may benefit from it as well. And how fun that I won something! However, I don’t have a Kindle; will it work on my iPad? If not, feel free to pass along to someone who does have a Kindle and can enjoy it!

    • Susan, you don’t have to be going through a divorce to benefit from the WIFE.org site. It’s for anyone who wants to get their finances in order. I even forwarded the link to my son to help him with credit card debt.

      As for your prize, if you download the Kindle app for iPad, then you’ll be set. I have your email. Shall I use it?

  6. Thank you Ms. Monica fir this informative post. Many people, of both genders, have no clue how to deal with divorce. Congratulations to Ms. Valentine Logar and Susan McBeth on your prizes!!

  7. Wow, these women are doing some good things in the world. Thanks for the referral to them. They make you feel so at home, ya know? I am glad you found them. You are a good egg and they started you on this journey to see it!

    • Thanks, Jodi. I would recommend writing therapy to anyone who likes to journal. It was so eye-opening. Our group stayed together a year, six of us plus our therapist and it was the best “journey” I ever took. I could feel myself getting stronger with each session. Wall and Bahr have a great site. I hope everyone that reads this, takes the time to share info on WIFE.org with others. We can all benefit in someway from the tools offered there. 😉

  8. Great interview! And what a valuable program for women of any marital status. I’ll definitely be using the tools on their web page to fill in the gaps of my financial knowledge. Thanks, Monica!

  9. oh thank you, for the tips and the book! You should still have my e-mail. If not I think I still have yours and I will shoot you a note.

    The tips are very cool, I will be checking them out today.

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