Do I Look Like a Mr. Chewy?

Dear Diary,

I have my undies in a twist. Oh, yes, I know what you’re thinking. I don’t wear undies. But if I did…well, suffice it to say, I’m peeved with Cook.

In your humble opinion, do I look like a Mr. Chewy to you?

For, ever since she discovered a new website where she can buy pet food, snacks, and all the other accouterments which dogs and cats crave, she’s taken to calling me by the site’s name. And, all I can say is, I won’t have it!

After all, I’m a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and I descend from royalty. I am Henry, master of this most humble abode. And yet, Cook insists on calling me, ahem,

“Mr. Chewy”

Yes, that’s right. Mr. Chewy!!

In my estimation, Cook has gone bonkers. Yet, I am helpless when she says,

“Mr. Chewy, it’s dinner time!”

“Oh, Mr. Chewy? Are you ready for your constitutional?”

“My, my, Mr. Chewy, looks like you could use a bath.”

When she calls me Mr. Chewy, I look at her with mock disdain or pretend she’s caught me in a yawn. But, if truth be told, I find it rather hard to resist, for I just adore the food, the snacks and all the lovely things she’s procuring from the Mr. Chewy website—all to make my life more pleasant—at least, pleasant enough until I can make it back to my birthright, my England.

Frankly, I have never seen Cook so happy. Though, me thinks, the woman doth protests too much–or did, before she discovered the ease of having my 15-pound bags of dry food delivered right to our door.

Now, she’s utterly jubilant!  The prices are reasonable, she says, and the shipping is free when she spends $49 or more.

Ho hum, I say.

Makes her job easier, she says, as she rarely has time to drive to the pet store, make her purchase and trudge home with the loot. Saves money on gas, too, she adds, as if I give a hoot about gas–whatever that is.

Which is why I say, “Since when, Cook, have I been keen on making your job easier?”

If anything, she is here to serve me, and that’s why I pay her the big bucks!

Note to self: Find out exactly how much I pay her. Perhaps my valet can answer that? What? I don’t pay her at all? Oh, bother!

She’s even taken to liking Mr. Chewy on Facebook, all because they post pictures of what she calls “adorable” pets. I say, I defy her to find one as handsome as me.

What’s a Cavalier to do about this, anyway?? Count the days, I suppose.

Yes, while Cook enjoys her new find, I continue to count the days, and Diary, it is Day 1,780. Which has me stricken to no end.

Why? Because, after all this time, I have yet to take my rightful place by the throne. I just know that my queen expects me to overcome this barrier, otherwise known as America, and make my way in time for her Highness’ Diamond Jubilee. It just isn’t fair that I have been unable to secure my passage. I asked Cook, what is the holdup, and she shrugged and threw her hands  in the air, muttering something to the effect,

“Why, Mr. Chewy, I know not what you mean!”

Which I can only conclude to mean that she is as baffled as I, that I have yet to find my way home. Each night, I look at the moon–the inconstant moon!–and imagine the Queen is looking at it, too, whilst thinking about me.  Alas, I pray all is not lost.

Perhaps if I go to myself, I’ll find the solution to my most pressing dilemma. After all, I know that site has everything a dog of discriminating taste could possibly want!

Until next time, Diary.  I must go post-haste, for I hear a truck rounding the bend!

A Word from Cook:  Henry really is pleased that I am enjoying the convenience of shopping for him at the Mr. Chewy site and Mr. Chewy, himself, has compensated Henry handsomely, with bags of delicious dog food. But even such generous gifts cannot influence royalty. Noblesse oblige, and all that. Therefore, Henry’s opinions are entirely, ahem, his own.

38 thoughts on “Do I Look Like a Mr. Chewy?

    • Misty, I do my best to humor Cook, but it can be trying at times. Incidentally, I hope Cook told you just how much I appreciated your post on Mr. Chewy. I wholeheartedly agree and am glad you don’t subject your canine companions to the indignity of a nickname like Mr. Chewy, and, for that, I commend you.

  1. Thank you so much for the pawtatsic review, Henry! I read your review to Mr.Chewy, and he’s wagging his tail with so much excitement. He asked me to apologize for your new nickname of Mr.Chewy!! We’re sure this is just a phase with Cook!

    We’re happy to hear that you’re enjoying all of your yummy treats. Thank you again, and please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions or need assistance! We are open 24 hours per day, 7 days per week!

    • Sir Chewy, it is with great restraint I laud your website. For, while, as a dog I cannot resist all the delicacies Cook orders for me from your site, as a royal, I wish she would refrain from calling me Mr. Chewy. She adores your site (as do I!), yet overlooks one thing:

      I don’t want to be called by any nicknames! 😉

    • Bassa, It seems Cook has discovered many a way to belittle my aristocratic inheritance. Yet, if you ask me, this one takes the cake! I so appreciate your support and understanding, and may call upon you soon to sign a petition (or leave your paw mark), one that demands Cook forever call me, Henry, Lord of the Manor. Nothing more.

  2. Sir Henry, I can understand why a noble as yourself would be offended to not be served what a true English gent is served. I find the nickname Mr. Chewy most unsuitable for such a debonair, sophisticated, and worldly descendant of royalty. Nevertheless, Cook is showing herself to be quite caring and loving in buying you tasty treats and other delicacies from the Mr. Chewy line and that must mean she has your best interest at heart. I say you tolerate the present circumstances a wee bit longer and ask Cook that she bring you a cup of tea. Methinks this will help settle you relax and feel a lot better. Hugs for you, Sir Henry! 🙂

    • Oh, Lady Roxy, you are too divine! I pride myself on being debonair and sophisticated, though not always at the same time. Too much effort, you know. But, my dear, I’m so glad you understand and yes, I’d love a spot of tea! Hugs to you, too, my love! 😉

    • Of course I speak–and bark–with a British accent! I speak the King’s English. Unlike Mr. Liverpool, who I understand speaks the Beatles’ English. 😉

  3. Henry, you are really in a pickle. You’re getting treats in the mail, but you’ve got to put up with that name because of it. There’s got to be a way to put off the name but still get the treats. If I come up with something I’ll let you know.

    • Sorry to hear that, Nikky. Have you thought about getting a new one? We can be quite adorable, you know! 😉

  4. Sir Henry, this is the Sheltie speaking. You actually get boxes in the mail? I’m jealous. Yes, I am. Only the humans in my house get boxes delivered to the door. Why, I’m going to insist Mom go right to that website and see if there’s something I might like. And, frankly, I don’t care WHAT she calls me, as long as she feeds me, hehe!

    • Hello, Sheltie! So glad you are commenting on my blog today. No need to be jealous, my friend, just go ahead and peruse the website yourself, and ask your person to order your favorites. She’ll find it convenient and you’ll find it delightful to have your food delivered right to your door. Just don’t let her call you, Mr. Chewy!

    • Oh, Linda! If you care anything about Bonkers you won’t do that. I must make the sacrifice for obvious reasons. But let Bonkers be Bonkers. After all, it’s the only sane thing to do!

  5. Henry, if she’s buying your treats and food over the Internet she can hardly be called “Cook” anymore, can she? I say, retaliate! Cook (Monica) need a new moniker 🙂

    • Just the other day, I asked Cook that very question. She says it takes work to pour the vittles out into a bowl, and use the manual can opener too. Then, she washes my bowl, and keeps my water bowl filled with fresh water. All this effort takes time and preparation. Besides, she insists I call her Cook, and would be all out of sorts if I called her anything else. She feeds me and I oblige by eating. It’s a symbiotic relationship of which I am proud. 😉

    • Susan, I’m glad you realize it’s not easy being me. The travails of the world rest upon my shoulders. I struggle with many of the issues that are common to pets–when will I nap? When will I eat? Worse, I was robbed of my birthright and it is my dream to right that wrong. In the meantime, I have another cross to bear. Wearing the mantle that is, Mr. Chewy. Sigh.

  6. You get treats in the mail? I might have to stop barking at the postman so I can get some, too. I’ll ask my person to order right away.

    • Why yes, Lola, and they come rather quickly. It’s so easy and they’re so prompt. It is any wonder Cook is so happy?!

  7. I think you should cut cook a little slack.
    Then again I don’t eat dog food.
    Look on the bright side, Mr Chewy is not a common name, your the only one in the house with it!!
    Just face it Henry it’s a dogs life!!

    • Why? Cook doesn’t cut me any slack! She has high expectations for me, which I need to aspire to. And yes. It definitely is a dog’s life!

      • Ah well that’s because Monica is the boss as women always are!!!
        Look on the bright side your not out at work every day bringing in the money so you can eat, Monica does that for you. You have to remember these things.

  8. Henry, Henry, Henry. Now, aren’t we the spoiled lot of the bunch. Could it be, um, that you’re exaggerating your heritage just a tad? I mean, not everyone from over yonder is entitled to the throne. Not to insult you or anything. I do believe one’s entitled to royal treatment ever so often but don’t you think you could cut Cook a little slack? So many stray dogs and cats would love to take your place. Heck, some folks would too.

    • I’m not spoiled so much as indulged. Yes, that’s the ticket. And, who doesn’t like to be indulged, now and then. Thank you for stopping by, Miss Totsy. And thank you for not calling me by any other name than my own. 🙂

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