A Dog’s Diary

It’s a new year and in honor of it, I, too, have made a resolution. I would have told you sooner, but this is the first time this year that Cook has permitted me to post. Rather cheeky of her, I’d say, seeing how she knows I am a dog with much on my mind. And a royal one at that!

Mind you, my resolution is not as daft as Cook’s plan to read 50 books and see 50 films. From my vantage point, about 12 inches off the ground, her plan is quite over the top. Fifty Fifty? More like Ten Twenty, I’d say, for I don’t think she can handle reading more than 10 books in one year–and even that’s a stretch. After all, Cook does have to see to my needs.

Now, my resolution is much better because it is more realistic. I have decided to keep a diary. I’m calling it, “A Dog’s Diary,” and with any luck, this diary will convey my life story in a fashion suitable for a king.

Day One

Dear Diary,

I am writing from my perch on the sofa, one I rarely leave except to eat or to take my daily constitutionals. It’s a lovely sofa, done up in regal red, most suitable for a dog of my stature. For I’m a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and I aspire to the highest of callings: To one day sit in the lap of luxury, and by that I mean, on the lap of the Queen.

And speaking of the Queen, did you know that this is the year of her Jubilee celebration? Isn’t this splendid news? I am beside myself with glee just thinking about it! Indeed, I could jump for joy, but first I must take my nap. Writing really is such exhausting work.

There! I’m back from my four-hour nap, which was rather delightful. When I awoke, I was hoping it was time for dinner, but Cook has yet to return from…from…well, wherever she goes when she’s not here. So, I’ll just write in my diary until she does—hold on a minute! I hear a truck approaching, which can only mean one thing! Trouble. Must go bark at it at once!

Okay, I’m back. The truck has pulled away. Crisis averted. Now, where was I?

Oh, yes. I was about to tell you how there are few indignities a Cavalier suffers more than that of being made to look, well, ridiculous. After all, as a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, I pride myself in my appearance.

Which is why I insist on going to the groomers once a month. After all, I do not like looking natty. If it were up to me, I’d be visiting the groomer at least once a week. But when I conferred with Cook about this, she muttered something under her breath that, when I start working and earning my keep, then I can go to the groomers as often as I want. Imagine that! A king with a day job. Well, not on my watch!

So, for now, I must undergo the indignity of not looking my best everyday. Most recently, I was humiliated when I was forced to wear this:

I ask you, is this any way to treat a royal? Cook says I must wear this mac when it rains, so I don’t get wet. Pshaw, I say! Until they invent boots that stay on a dog’s paws while he saunters about, there is no avoiding getting wet. Worse yet, Cook is on the prowl for a cap for dogs with a built-in umbrella to protect a dog’s head from the rain. I cringe and dread the day she finds one and makes me wear it. She has shown me a photograph of one that is designed for humans and it looks like this:

I ask you, is this anyway to treat a–oh, dear! For goodness sakes! Another truck in the vicinity. I must get into barking mode, stat!

Cheerio!

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30 thoughts on “A Dog’s Diary

  1. The raincoat situation is tricky. I hate wearing clothes, but I also hate getting wet! I think our humans should wear the ridiculous jackets and then keep us dry by protecting us with an umbrella.

    • Well, Uptown, in full disclosure, Cook always carries a frightfully large umbrella when we take our strolls in the rain. However, I often like to trot and stay ahead, which means the umbrella won’t cover me. Sigh, it’s a never ending battle trying to stay dry, isn’t it?

  2. Oh Henry, a royal purple might be better suited for a mac, although I think you look quite handsome in your light blue. Besides being royal and all, you have to protect your coat to keep it looking shiny and beautiful. No running about in the rain for you. This is indeed a huge year for the queen, and what an honor it would be if you were presented with the opportunity to sit on her lap. I personally think being a dog of leisure is a must for a King Charles, oh, other than barking at trucks of course. Hmm, not sure about the football shirt though, how about a velvet cape instead?

    • Oh, Dear, you are absolutely right. I think I would look most ravishing in purple! Now, if I can only convince Cook. Thank you, too, for agreeing with me. I am and always will be, a dog of leisure. As it should be.

    • Well, Bassa, I could say another dog pushed me and left him mark, but Cook says I shouldn’t tell tall stories. The paw print is a design that was put on the mac. 🙂

  3. Henry, I think you look quite debonair in your light blue raincoat! Mom is looking for a raincoat for me as well, but it has to be pink! Pink is my favorite color. I’ve never taken a four hour nap. There’s too much going on in the house. You’re lucky indeed, my friend! I love this photo of you! And you have such nice, curly ears! We must get together some time, Henry! We can go for a walk in the forest together! 🙂

    • Oh, Roxy, you sweet little minx! I think you would look rather lovely in a pink mac. A four-hour nap is nothing, as I’ve taken even longer naps. Cook says I am like a teenager as I often sleep in in the morning, while she’s getting ready to go out. There’s nothing that will wake me up, except maybe the sound of a truck.

      Yes, Roxy, I would love to go for a walk with you in the forest or wherever you wish to take me. 🙂

  4. Henry, you are quite funny to be a Royal. Whatever in the world is Cook going to do with you? You know, at least a day job would put you in the company of other pups but oh…they may be from common stock, hanging out at the fire hydrant and such in the elements. That nice little go poncho should provided you with great protection, however.

    • Totsy, I don’t think I could ever hold a job. At least, not for long. I am a dog of leisure and am not good at accepting assignments. Cook would have me dust the furniture while she’s away, but I will have none of that. Silly woman!

  5. Henry, you sweet little dear, you really do look spiffy in your mac, but I can see where Cook would love a nice head covering for you, too. After all, you have such lovely, wavy ears — you don’t want them all nasty and wet, do you? My Sheltie doesn’t have to go to the groomers once a month (he condescends to let me trim him up!), so be happy for the pampering — and be glad you’re not living where it snows!

    • Snow? What is that? I’ve never had the pleasure, I’m sure. Well, Debbie, I am flattered that you like my ears. It takes a lot of grooming to keep them looking that way. Your Sheltie sounds like a fine chap. Does he live where it snows? Sigh. Now I may have to google it to find out what it is.

  6. O. Henry (get it?) you are brave! Jack the dog wants me to tell you that he plays in the mud all day, burying bones and just plain running through it, and while his mommy sometimes screams at the mud prints on the floor, she (I) cleans him up and falls in love all over again when Jack licks mommy’s face as she tackles one paw at a time. So come to the mud and play! You’re a DOG!

    • Yes, Heather, I’ve heard that one before. O’Henry. Mostly, Cook says it, but I have to remind her, I’m not a candy bar, I am a king, and should be addressed as one. Sigh.

  7. I am so sorry your ‘pet’ is forcing you to wear that mac. Pets seldom understand. They tend to get all caught up in the ‘ohs and ahs’ and forget their place in the relationship, which is to be at your beck and call. I’d suggest and intervention of some sort, although with the goal of reading 50 books and watching 50 films, and all the writing she does, I suspect she will be too exhausted to torture you much. If she gets out of hand, you can chomp on her favorite shoes or at least hide them under the bed. Food for thought. Stay dry, and keep us readers posted.

    • Madam, I do not chew on anything except my food. That trait in dogs is most unbecoming. Cook says when I was a mere pup, I once chewed on her iPhone charger, and destroyed it in the process. I also developed a tummy ache from the incident and it nearly scarred me for life. Needless to say, I don’t chew on any objects anymore, least of all Cook’s shoes. But, Brenda, I do thank you for the suggestion.

  8. You like going to the groomer? I hate baths. All that trickly water tickling my skin. And then afterwards I don’t even smell like a dog so I have to find something to roll in. I think my person wishes I were more like you. I’m totally with you on barking at trucks, though. Sound the alarm!

    • I just adore going to the groomer. My groomer, Lady Kim, treats me superbly. She knows just how I like my hair cut, and when she bathes me, she gives me a much-needed massage. It’s not easy being a king, you know. 😉

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