Just in time for the new year, I offer a gleam of hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know, because I have reached it. It took a while. Years, really, but I know it’s there because I’ve been there. So, if you have experienced, or are experiencing divorce, or if you have been touched by it in some way, or know someone who is contemplating one, please read my blog on the Huffington Post site.
Even if you’re just going through some hard times right now, this one’s for you. It’s my latest piece, The Light at the End of the Tunnel. Check it out, and may 2012 be the year that you, too, reach the other end of the tunnel.
For those of you who have already reached the light at the end of your tunnel, what advice would you share with others who may be still trudging along?
How the heck did I miss this post? I’m rushing over to read that post of yours! I think I’ve had more than a peek of the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s still a work in progress, sister. There are good days, and bad days, but like the saying says, you take the bad with the good. I would definitely tell anyone who is struggling that pain is not always a bad thing; at times, it’s the only thing that reassures you that you are alive. Lower your expectations of others. In doing so, you stand less of a chance to be disappointed. And most of all, learn to laugh at yourself. Not only is it a sign of good mental health, it also makes you feel good. Because really, who can stay mad at you or vice versa, if you laugh? 🙂
It does take a long time to move on from divorce. I was married 13 years and it took me a good 7 years to make peace with it. I like your advice and I agree about pain sometimes being the only thing that reminds you you’re alive. And laughter is the best medicine. I took up tap dancing after my split and I found that you can’t be sad while your tap dancing. They’re polar opposites!
Monica, i read your article in the Huffington Post and let me just say, it’s brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! I loved it from beginning to end but then you know I’m a hard core fan of your divorce series! ha! Seriously, I thought it was sassy, encouraging, and uplifting! No sob stories, just pure empowerment; the way it’s supposed to be. After all, enough of the pity parties and boo hoo crap. Life goes on. Pick yourself up and move, woman. Or else, get run over. That’s what I say.
Thank you, Bella! You’ve made me the highest of compliments and I must confess, I’m tickled pink! I just hope someone, who’s in the throes of divorce, will read it and feel better about their own situation. That would make it all worth it.
I am going through a divorce, don’t see the light yet but yes walking all the miles looking for it! Although I still feel very sad, hurt, betrayed, angry and helpless but I know that divorce was the only option. I could not see it but the relationship was over long ago, just like you mention in ‘The Road Taken’. The hopes of a better tomorrow push me through the turmoils of today.
Divorce is like a death in the family. Very, very heartbreaking. But, it will get better. Have faith. Like so many of us before you, you will learn to live with it, and the feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger and helplessness will subside (not necessarily disappear), receding into the background of your life. Have faith!
I found the light many years ago, Monica. Realizing things weren’t going to get any better and having an infant to care for, I initiated the proceedings. Would I make the same choice today? In a heartbeat! Despite the pain, despite the occasional loneliness, despite the fears and questioning myself, it was the best decision possible. And you’re so right — I found myself in the bargain, found I am strong and capable. Life hasn’t been perfect, of course, but it wouldn’t have been perfect staying married either, especially since neither of us was (or is!) perfect! You’ve written a positive, encouraging piece that you’ve earned the right to write (because you lived through it and came out stronger on the other side). What a great service you’ve provided, my friend!
I’m with you, Debbie. As hard as it was, I’d make the same choices today. Thank you, thank you, so much for your wonderful comments about my piece. I do hope it gives someone out there some encouragement that things really are going to get better. After all, isn’t it a joyful feeling, that moment when you realize you’ve found yourself?
I remember when I turned 40. I ordered a cake for myself and asked the cake decorator to write, “Happy Birthday to a Woman with Backbone.” For, that was the moment I had finally come into my own. 😉
I am always glad for the tunnel because it means there is something new ahead. Although, it’s like Michael Ann says, there is a bit of torture during the middle. I’ll bop over and read the HP article. Fingers crossed 2012 is the year for magic and dreams, we could all use a little loving.
The middle is the hardest, Brenda, especially when you start to feel like you’ll never get through it. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed, too. Here’s to a great year for all of us!
I went through a divorce years ago, and there are still issues because of our son – but my ex did me a bigger favor than he could ever imagine by leaving. It didn’t take long for me to find the light.
Proof that there’s a positive side to just about everything, including divorce. 😉
Maybe we don’t reach it, but deep down, we’re always striving for it. I wish you the best, Kim, this holiday season.
–Do we ever reach the light?
On my way over to read your story, Dear. Xxx
Sigh…. I see the light….I just wish I didn’t have to go through fire to get there!
It’s not as bad as you think. If you rip the bandaid off quickly it’ll be a whole lot less painful. In the words of Nike, “Just do it!” 😉
Happy New Year, my friend.
My light’s been flickering this year but all and all, I’ve handled it with grace (grinned and beared it and kept my mouth shut). I did the divorce thing awhile back. Over it. Looked at my horoscope for 2012 and I’ll have it going on in every area except the romance department. What’sa girl to do but to keepa grinning and bearing it…
We seem to be living parallel lives. My divorce was a while back. Two amazing, grown kids and I, too, have it going in every department but the romance one. And yes, I’m grinning… happy as a lark! 🙂
My daughter only wishes she were grown and I have to slow here down sometimes. But yes, a lot of parallelisms.