This Fortune Cookie is Driving Me Crazy!

Friends, I’m on tenterhooks. I just opened my fortune cookie and here’s what it said:

“Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you.”

Three months from this date? What date exactly?

I have never opened a fortune cookie with a fortune that is this specific and, yet, also this cryptic. I don’t know if this fortune means three months from today, the actual date I opened the cookie, or three months from four days ago, which is when we picked up Chinese takeout and brought it home. That night, I was too stuffed from eating sesame chicken and brown rice, to even think about touching the cookie. Until now, that is.

Not that I eat the cookie, anyhow. I save it for Henry, my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, as it is his favorite part of getting takeout. He doesn’t eat any of the food—he has a sensitive stomach, you know—but I do allow him to nosh on the cookie. Which is what he was doing just now, right after I pulled out the fortune. So, while Henry munched away, I read the message:

“Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you.”

Grrr. This is so frustrating! I feel like I’ve gotten a direct order from the fortune cookie front. Yet, how can they expect me to remember, when I can barely recall what I had for breakfast this morning? I just have too much on my mind these days, so how can I possibly live up to their expectations of remembering? Honestly, I wish there was a fortune cookie hotline I could call to get some clarification.

Normally, fortune cookies don’t make me this upset. As anyone knows, these cookies usually have simple, corny fortunes or sayings. I know this because I’ve been reading fortune cookies for years, starting when I was going to elementary school at P.S. 154 in Queens. Back then, our teachers would take us just about every year on a field trip to New York City’s Chinatown.  There, all the kids would get the same lunch: egg drop soup, chow mein and egg roll. Then, our teachers would pass around a basket of fortune cookies, of which we could each have one.

And I never snitched when Curtis, the red-headed cutie I had a crush on, would take five. I figured he was trying to cover his bases–and his fortune luck–by taking so many.  If he had asked me, I would have happily given him mine, too. That’s how adorable he was. Still, I knew for a fact that all the fortunes had a generic ring to them:

  • Someone likes you.
  • You will find happiness soon.
  • One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them.
  • Your success will astonish everyone.

Yet, whoever wrote my fortune, this time, must have been bored with these tried and true fortunes, and decided to torture some hapless victim. Aka, me. What was their real motivation, I wonder?  And what is it that they know about me that causes them to make such a bold prediction?

On the other hand, maybe this fortune wasn’t meant for me at all.  Maybe it was really meant for Henry. After all, it might have been my cookie, but it was Henry that ate it. So which one of us has good things in store in just three months, give or take four days? Ah, the plot thickens!

Could it in fact be Henry?  If you ask me, he has been acting overly cavalier these days, walking around like he owns the place. As if he knows he’s about to come into some money.  Well, somebody should tell him that I’m no Leona Helmsley. I’m not about to leave $12 million to my dog, I don’t care how royal he is. So Henry might as well get over it, and stop complaining that it’s too hot, simply because I’m not running the air conditioner full blast.  Sheesh. Doesn’t he realize someone has to pay the bills?

Well, at least one of us is coming into something good three months from now.  Henry and I are taking turns crossing off the days on the kitchen calendar. We’ve made a pact to share in the good fortune, no matter which one of us gets it. At least, that’s what it said in the agreement Henry made me sign.

I’d say, wish us luck, but we don’t need it.  After all, according to the fortune, it’s in the bag.  It’s just a matter of time. Three months’ time.

So how about you? Get any cryptically, stupefying fortunes lately?

41 thoughts on “This Fortune Cookie is Driving Me Crazy!

  1. My fiancé got this exact fortune 3 months ago and next week my dr scheduled me to b induced… Exactly 3 months to the date of him getting the fortune I’m glad I kept the fortune to put in her baby book 🙂

  2. Pingback: Reflections: The Fortune Cookie’s Message… | Mirth and Motivation

  3. I once opened a fortune cookie that said, “Someday you will write a book.” And my friend told me that I got his cookie. So if I ever write a book, on the page that usually says for so-and-so, I imagine mine will read, “Touche Douce, guess that fortune cookie was mine afterall.” It was mine, because I ate the cookie. By that logic, your cryptic message is for Henry, but as his human, may you both be blessed with good things. 🙂

    • That would be very cool if we were both granted good luck, but I have a feeling it’s Henry’s all the way. Which is why, lately, I’ve been letting him play the lottery. 🙂

  4. Echoing an earlier comment, my dear irreverent husband says that all fortunes need to be appended with the phrase “between the sheets.” It does add a different element to the idea, doesn’t it?

  5. I love fortune cookies but always take their messages with a grain of salt. After all, if it predicted BAD news, you wouldn’t sit around dreading the future, would you? Of course not! I think your cookie-writer fully meant that you look expectantly toward the future, whether it be three days from now or three months. And as for whether the good stuff comes to you or Henry, well, it doesn’t matter, does it? I mean, either of you would be glad for good things to happen to the other, wouldn’t you?!!

    • Well, I’m not quitting my day job over this. I have a feeling all the good fortune in store of us will go to Henry. He works so hard for it and deserves all the luck he can muster. 😉 Tee-hee!

  6. Monica, I want to say the cookie fortune applies to Henry, since it was him eating the cookie but considering it was you who bought the take out, it’s only fair you share in his good wealth. Methinks you’re going to write a best seller which has Roxy and Henry as protagonists, thus allowing you to reap in the millions. Henry will finally get to wear some serious bling on his collar and you can buy a pair of Louboutins and a Prada bag. So yeah, three months before you and Henry are stylin’ and profilin’! 🙂

  7. You know I love ya to pieces … but I just tagged you in a photo from my Facebook. From many months ago. On an image of the EXACT same fortune!!!

    I, too, had high hopes. But the date came and went without a lot of fanfare. However, I had much fun dreaming…as I’m sure you will.

    …and just remember to add “in bed” to the end.

    😉

  8. —Monica, I love coming to visit you! You ALWAYS have something interesting to talk about … for example: Fortune Cookies.
    Once I opened a fortune cookie… and I looked at Mr. L and said “You’re not going to believe what this says!”
    “What?,” he asks.
    “IT says: ‘you are married to a complete dork, but you must get used to it.”
    I actually think he believed me for a second or so. xxx

    • I think that actually sounds quite plausible, so I would’ve believed it, too. Do you think fortune cookie writers are kept sequestered away from society so they can drum up fortunes to confound the rest of us? That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it!

      Thanks for always stopping by and leaving your clever comments. I so appreciate it! 🙂

  9. If only you had opened it a few weeks ago I’d say it was Henry’s and the fact that he gets to come and hang out with the kids and I for a few days would be the good thing coming! Although I’m worried now about us not having air conditioning. Hopefully it will be nice and cool by then, wouldn’t want the king to be uncomfortable.

    • I’m pretty sure it’s Henry’s luck. Not mine. Besides if you count it out in dog years, then October would be right around the time that the good luck hits. So I’m sure you’re right. He won’t miss having the AC when he can lounge around in your pool all day, sipping doggie Margaritas. He’ll be in heaven! 😉

  10. I always eat the cookie that comes with my fortune, good or bad! That Henry’s a lucky dog. Definitely keep us posted on the good luck that comes your way (or Henry’s) in three months, Monica!

    • Absolutely! All I need now is to get Dick Clark to agree to televise the countdown, the final moments leading up to the question that is now on everyone’s minds: Whose luck is it anyway?

  11. I think it will be good things for Henry since he ate the cookie. And I think it probably won’t cost you a dime since what dogs consider “good things” generally involve belly rubs, back scratches, long naps and rolling in smelly stuff. We could learn from them (except for the smelly stuff part).

  12. I would set a calendar reminder for three months for both dates.

    Once I got a fortune cookie that said I like Chinese food. And I do! Talk about freakily accurate.

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