Revolt of the Appliances

My fridge isn’t speaking to me. Come to think of it, my dishwasher is pretty annoyed with me, and the stove is in a frightful tizzy. I’m not on good terms with my washer or dryer, for that matter, and I swear the dryer gave me the stink eye.  They’re all mad at me because I don’t give them the attention they deserve.  Well, can I help it if I’m too busy and there are not enough hours in the day for working, blogging, walking my dog and all the other stuff I need to do?  Must I also be tending to the care and maintenance of my appliances?

Lately, my fridge has been giving me the cold shoulder.

Of course, this is all lost on my fridge, whose refrigerator side has turned into a freezer.  It looks at me, defiantly, and asks,

“What? You don’t like your oranges frozen? So what are ya gonna do about it? When are you gonna finally get someone in to fix me? Look at me, I’m a mess!”

Ok, so it’s been a few years since my appliances have had any maintenance. Right about the time that the warranties ran out, I’d say. Can I help it if I have my priorities in a different place? Repairs cost mula and when it comes to dropping cash, I’d rather spend it on travel, new outfits and the latest electronic gadgets—not repairs.  Besides, frozen oranges aren’t so bad, right?

The fridge doesn’t appreciate my logic and its motor kicks it up a notch. Grumble, GRUMBLE, it seems to be saying rather loudly, reminding me that I use my fridge daily and depend on it for its ability to keep my perishables cold.

My handy friend, Gale (see The Real Ms. Fix-it), told me that I could be doing some preventive maintenance myself, like vacuuming out the vent below the fridge as well as beneath it. Let me get this straight: I should be getting on my hands and knees, to remove the ventilation panel and then vacuum under the fridge, too?  I’ve never heard of anything so crazy!

I mean, have you looked under my fridge lately—which hasn’t seen the light of day in over 13 years?  I’m pretty sure there’s a haunted house in there. I even saw Nancy Drew trying to solve a mystery in the crevasse between the coils and the back wall. The mystery of the frozen broccoli.

This is when I begrudge being a homeowner.  Why do I have to take care of everything? Why, oh why, can’t I have a landlord like I did back in the days when I lived in a rental?  How easy it was then, to just call Mrs. Lee. She’d either send someone over to deal with whatever the problem was or she’d tell me to hire someone and have them send her the bill. Voilà! Problem solved.  Even when I had rats in the attic. One call to Mrs. Lee—in a sweat-induced panic—and the exterminator was at my door, at the ready with his traps and jar of peanut butter.

And my fridge isn’t alone in complaining.  All my appliances are spewing venom these days. They’re all aging and aging fast. My dishwasher has gout and is on its last legs. My microwave is going through menopause and is having hot flashes. It refuses to warm anything in less than six minutes. My stove, which has one burner that declines to spark a flame, has definitely seen better days. When it hears me say this, it responds, rather cheekily,

“You’re not in the pique of prime yourself.”

As for the washing machine and dryer, well, they’ve always held a grudge, mostly because they were long ago relegated to the garage, and not in the kitchen with the others.  So, all I can say is,

“I should just throw out the lot of you and start over!”

And just like that, I mosey on down to my local appliance store, determined to buy a new fridge. Which I do—energy efficient, I might add—along with a new, water-saving dishwasher.  Whereupon, I plunk down my credit card and say to the saleswoman in a rather satisfied voice,

“Charge it, please!”

As for the stove, and the washer and dryer? For now, they’ll just have to sulk. I’m not made of money, you know.

46 thoughts on “Revolt of the Appliances

  1. Monica, this post reminded me of something that I do really often. I’m a freelancing graphic/web designer, and when someone hires me, I usually need to get to know what kind of site they want before starting work on it. Pretty obvious why. So, I can’t always get myself out of the house to go and talk to them, because I might be busy or doing something else. So I use the one and only – Skype. The problem is that I work in my kitchen (funny as it may sound I have nice white walls over there and great lighting for a Skype video call, plus I can grab something to eat whenever I’m hungry =D), and my fridge has a habit of making loud noises, as if it wants to interrupt what I’m doing. I then go over and turn it off, and after making the call, completely forget to turn it on again.
    This is the reason I have what is in my fridge right now – A can of milk long spoiled, and a pizza box I’m afraid to look inside. Thankfully, those are the only things I think are spoiled.
    As for you, treat your appliances better. Believe me, they’ll appreciate it! =D

    • I treat my appliances like family. You know, the annoying ones who never leave. Luckily the fridge always brings something good to eat, and the dishwashers always offers to clean up. Gotta love em! 🙂

  2. Ola Monica! Love your new picture! I totally understand the appliance dilemna. We now have an appliance insurance policy (!) so that if anything goes wrong, I call a number and engineers who specialise in the brand pop around and fix it for free (parts and labour). I do believe that appliances have a brotherhood of sorts: if one of them goes, they all go. It used to happen to my Mum when we’d come and visit (once a year – we live in different countries plus I’m an ungrateful child) for a few days: the oven would go, the fridge would go, the bathroom showerhead would crack and the electricals would fry. I think it’s what some people call a first class problem (as opposed to a real problem like being homeless and jobless!).

  3. hee hee. Sounds like you’ve got a regular mutiny on your hands over there. I’m pretty sure i take for granted that my husband is really handy. Left to my own devices, I’m sure i’d be sashaying down to the store to just have them replaced too.

  4. I hate this! I’m on my 3rd fridge in 7 years. My stackable washer/dryer combo is threatening. The new dishwasher doesn’t wash the dishes–only dries the food to the plates. Oh, and in some kind of weird, sympathy with my appliances, my shower is leaking into the kitchen. Again.
    Good luck!

    • In 48 hours this fridge will be toast, thrown to the curb–and taken to the recycling center. Until then, we’re having our own Oprah-like farewell tour. Complete with a stop by visit from Gayle King.

  5. Another funny one Monica! My washing machine started sympathetically acting up this afternoon. It would not spin, only make a sad clicking sound on the spin cycle. I unplugged the washing machine, replugged it back in to no avail. It wouldn’t unlock to allow me to retrieve the sheets it was holding hostage. I left for a meeting, and began calculating how I could reorganize Monday to get a repairman out to have some quality alone time with my washing machine. When I got home I was telling my husband I would need to call the repairman Monday. He asked me why, and I turned on the spin cycle to display the sickly clicking I heard earlier in the spin cycle, and obviously my washing machine must be partial to Karl, as it burst into normal healthy humming and spinning! Go figure! I had to laugh! Of course I was thinking of you! 🙂

    • Wow, well glad it all worked out. I am very excited to get my new fridge and dishwasher. They’ll be here in a couple of days and then I’ll be saying adios to the riff raff appliances that I now have. I haven’t told them yet, but I’ve been dropping hints about a certain retirement home for appliances.

  6. I can totally relate !! Just bought a new washer, and its going back-and I’m picking out a new one on Monday – the motor and timer were malfunctioning. Every once in awhile-I get the urge to scrub all appliances down- !!!! 🙂

  7. I’m actually putting off tackling the garbage disposal today. Which is unfortunate because suddenly the dishes in the sink have become a problem. Ugh. I always enjoy your blog posts. Went ahead and subscribed today.
    Stopping by from LBS. Have a great Saturday! 🙂

  8. My appliances and I aren’t currently speaking either, but mostly because they all need a good scrubbing.
    visiting from LBS Tea Party

  9. Oh dear, I can feel with you, we live in a rented place and only the washing machine is ours and I am really grateful for that. The water heater in the shower broke, within half a day we had a new one, our toilet was leaking water, got fixed right away, work done by our handyman landlord. Before we were living in a house that belonged to my Hubs’ family and had to fix everything ourselves (the Hubs had to do it). The problem usually is that in Paradise spare parts are rare and hard to get. Bummer. You need to have a spare part arsenal. 😉

    • You live in such a beautiful place, picturesque locale. Too bad for that one snag, access to spare parts. I can only imagine how horrible when something you use regularly goes haywire and the missing piece is hundreds or thousands of miles away. Yikes!

  10. I am ignoring the same issues over here…why is it that all of the appliances do this at the same time? My dishwasher and dryer are screaming to each other across the house…I think very soon I will have to start listening to them and see what exactlly is wrong. ugh!

    Following from Lady Bloggers Tea Party , Happy Saturday!

  11. A new dishwasher will make you so happy? Is it sad that I feel that way? I LOVE my dishwasher- quiet, cleans everything no matter how full I cram it. Plus it is adjustable in a hundred ways….OK, now I do sound weird.

    Congratulations on the new appliances!

  12. I know what you’re going through. Right now, my (ancient) plumbing is furious with me. I have to break down and call a plumber, but I am scared. Very scared.

    The joys of home ownership indeed.

  13. Totally relate! Just bought a new washer and dryer myself (honestly the old ones were no longer just mad, they were screaming obscenities!) and was so excited I almost posted a picture on Facebook! How lame can I get? But they’re so quiet and so fast…
    I love your writing style – so funny and so descriptive!

    • Screaming obscenities? That’s rich. I wouldn’t put up with that. My new fridge and dishwasher arrive Tuesday and I can’t wait! The dishwasher is supposed to be super quiet, so I’ll actually be able to hear my TV while cleaning the dishes. This will be a first! 🙂

  14. Oh. My. God. I so relate, but more in relation to writing. I write, I blog, I comment, I get my ass to work. Skewed as they may be, these are my priorities. Even as a renter (I refuse to take on the responsibility of home ownership, not that I can afford it anyway) my apartment can get way out of control. My mother does not approve, and the fact is, I prefer things neat and clean. But it’s all about priorities. Something has to give, and it’s not going to be writing.
    Thanks for your post!

    • Writing must always come first. Even my children know that. I can’t tell you how many times my daughter has phoned me from college and I have to tell her to get to the point, or even put her off, because I have NO time to talk. Must blog. Must blog. That is my mantra.

  15. Monica, my microwave and I are not on speaking terms either. He hates me and I hate him. He’s been behaving strangely, let off sparks and refusing to turn his turntable. I’ve just about had it. The fridge is a good egg. No frozen oranges for me, but hey, I’m sure they’re not that bad, right? 🙂 As for under the fridge maintenance…I don’t think so. Nancy Drew has to have a clubhouse after all! hee hee!

  16. I feel your pain, Monica…we rent our house, but the fridge, freezer, washer and dryer belong to us…the appliance repair people charge $40/hour here. We bought the freezer a couple of years ago…it was the biggest one we could get, but it’s still not quite big enough! At least it’s frost-free…

    Good luck…I hope the remainder of your old appliances hang in there until you’ve got enough money to replace them…


    • The stove will be next on my list to replace. It is just so costly to get them fixed. Here, I was told it would be $70 for a repair person to even enter my home to check out the problem. And then it goes up from there. Maybe I’m in the wrong business.

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