Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

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I’ve figured out a way to get more traffic to my blog.  Turns out it’s all in the search engine terms. Paul, my award-winning blogger pal of The Good Greatsby fame, gave me the idea.

Here’s all I need to do to make this happen. Write a post, chock full of popular search engine terms, and the visitors will flock in.  They won’t even know what hit them! They’ll be perusing my blog in search of the information they just need to have and, before you know it, they’ll be so intrigued by what I’ve written, they’ll forget all about their search.  It’s that simple!

So forgive me, if this post doesn’t make any sense, but I have to ask, what’s the worst that can happen? I’ll be like Lindsay Lohan and the judge will send me to jail? No way. Or maybe I’ll get assassinated like Gadafi’s son just did?  Fat chance. You know people will be going crazy wanting to know more and that will lead them to me!

Which reminds me, why is Trump cursing these days on his pseudo-presidential stump?  Did you hear him the other night? He dropped one heckuva curse bomb, if you ask me. Maybe he was thinking, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Guess he forgot it was being recorded just like everything else is nowadays.

Anyway, has The Donald given up on the whole birther strategy? I mean, come on, just because President Obama, finally released the long form of his birth certificate (which is actually shorter than the short form, according to the talented Comedy Channel host, Stephen Colbert), I’m sure this conversation isn’t over. So, by all means, Mr. Trump, keep the investigation going! I know you and your Trump hair will get to the bottom of this birth thing.  It’s the only way to keep the media interested in your fake run for the presidency. Remember, the 2012 elections are just around the corner.

Of course the biggest news of the week trumps anything Trump is talking about. I’m talking about the fate of Osama bin Laden. And how about them Navy Seals? Thank goodness they didn’t ask me to help because there’s no way I could have kept that a secret for so long. Those Seals are like Nancy Drew. She, too, knew how to keep a secret.

As the president said during his speech Sunday night, “Justice is served.”  Amen, to that. Though it’s worth noting that if you visited Sarah Palin’s Facebook page Sunday night, when the news broke, you would have seen how her page was abuzz with her fan base thanking the president. President Bush, that is.

Trending: Royal Wedding couple and one miserable flower girl.

Oh, this is so much fun! It’s making me think of all the current events I know.  It’s making me wonder whether Kate and Wills went to the Bahamas or Bahrain for their royal honeymoon. Who knows? And who really cares? I mean, aside from Elton John and the Beckham’s, that is.

Wherever the royal newlyweds are, I bet they haven’t yet heard the rumors about the Apple iPhone 6. Yep, you heard me right. The iPhone 6 is all the buzz, despite the iPhone 5 having yet to be released. It’s the iPhone 6 that is trending on Twitter.  I’m still on the iPhone 3 and was planning to replace it with the 5, but now I better wait until next year for the 6.  Or should I wait for the iPhone 7? I like to be on the cutting edge, after all. Don’t you just love Google?

Rick Springfield, trending on Google after his arrest for a DUI on same weekend of killing of Osama.

Visitors to my blog have already been finding my Tangled Web by using Google’s search engines.  Here are some of the search words that have brought them my way. Some make sense, as they relate to posts I’ve written.  Others, well, see for yourself:

Clowns

Boardwalk empire sets

Fake family history

Colin Firth pride and prejudice

Henry Ford’s siblings

Rocky Balboa stairs

Tangled Chargers

Grumpy sweatpants (What’s this about? Have they seen what I wear on the weekend?)

Screaming fans in the stands for Cincinnati Bengals

Mexican fugitives (huh?)

Tangled hidden Mickey

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel always sleep

Watching a murder outside window (What the–?)

So I’m pretty sure I’ve thrown in everything but the kitchen sink into this post. Now, I think I’ll just sit back, relax and rest on my laurels, as I watch my WordPress site statistics skyrocket from visits by all those lost souls searching for information on Google. And all I can say is, Gentlemen, start your search engines!

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43 thoughts on “Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!”

    • My stats actually don’t look that different. Go figure. I have people finding me based on posts I wrote last fall! Those are the ones that continue to pop up. Sheesh. And just when I thought I was on to something good. Sigh.

  8. Very brilliant ! enjoyed the read, it was keeping up with each of the stories that was the problem !! Lol – 🙂 google search will never be the same !!!! everyone will at Monica’s site !!!!

  10. Wow I am exhausted just reading your blog. I will just go and have a nice cup of tea. And no, I don’t plan to read it again.

  11. Whew! Rick Springfield is looking rough! I’ve thought of doing a similar post! I have one post about my daughters being pesky when they were small. It’s called “Naughty Girls on Ice.” It gets tons of hits, but not that many comments because I’m sure whoever finds it is disappointed that it’s not porn! Funny post! 🙂

  12. No wonder my previously fruitless googling of “Trump Hair” finally brought me to you. Turns out, if you type “Trump Lair” you end up in a whole other place! Wonderful post. If only it was so easy to grab the audience all of our blogs so richly deserve.!

    • Trump’s hair trumps even Trump himself. Sometimes the hair arrives at an event before he does. I’ve been told that it’s the hair that writes his speeches. Apparently it has Tourette’s syndrome, which is why Trump cursed so much in Vegas. If you figure out another way to build traffic, let me know! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

    • Oh, Wendy! Now I’m mortified. Forgive me, for I did read yours at the time you posted it and I’m sorry that I forgot, because obviously, you also inspired me to write this one. So much so that I even copied the title of your post. Silly, silly me. Well, thank you for including the link. I hope all my readers, check out yours as well–another perspective on a very important subject.

      • No problem, Monica…we’re all bombarded with information all day long…I follow more than 50 blogs, and I am inspired daily by what I read…

        Your post is different from mine anyway…I find it rather sad that posts where I mention celebrities always get more hits than when I’m just talking about “regular people”…

        Wendy

      • I agree about the celebritiy thing. When I wrote about Jennifer Anniston once, that turned out to be one of my most popular posts, especially among 12-14 year old girls (lol, but true!). And I’m sorry to break it to you about Rick Springfield. I liked him on his GH days and even got to see him a few years ago perform in Vegas. What fun!

  16. This is a chuckle worthy post, Monica! I’m still giggling over the “Trump hair!” And I agree, we should all try it at least once just to see what happens! 🙂

    • I think Trump’s hair could be the punchline to many a joke. In fact, you don’t need a joke. All you need to is blurt out, “Trump’s hair” and I bet everyone in ear shot will burst out laughing. 😉

  19. HAHA, I had a good laugh while reading this post. I wonder why readers haven’t already flocked to your blog…..
    Here’s something you should know: What you just did in this post is an actual technique certain websites use to draw traffic to their blog. It’s an extremely popular way to increase views and page views. It’s called Search Engine Optimization, or SEO for short. One of the major sites that used this technique in the early days was The Huffington Post. Somehow, they got the idea that it was good and now pioneer the technique. Popular blogs instruct their writers to add search-engine friendly terms in their post titles. That’s also SEO.
    Please, don’t ever try it. It’s just a marketing maneuver, and something that certain people hate. Some people including me. I hate sites that don’t draw traffic naturally. I hate sites that have to actually make use of something like this to draw readership. Why can’t they just let readership increase naturally? Why do they have to somewhat trick people into reading their blog or site? It’s very annoying, believe me.
    Genuine blogs will never do this. A true blog knows that in time, people will become interested and read it, and in time, their readership will increase. Slowly, but it will happen. These sites just want it to happen immediately.

    • A true blogger will know that this is all tongue in cheek–a feeble attempt to make light of the very thing you describe! So, touche for figuring it out! I’ve actually been getting very nice traffic to my post, thank you very much. And thank you, too for your amazing knowledge and explanation of Search Enging Optimization. I can tell you’re a professional at this yourself! 🙂

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